Talk:Angel Beats!/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Cloud668 (talk · contribs) 07:30, 17 May 2012 (UTC)

GA review (see here for what the criteria are, and here for what they are not)

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This is my first GA review, so hopefully I am not missing anything.

1. It is reasonably well written.

   a (prose): b (MoS for lead, layout, word choice, fiction, and lists):

   The prose is mostly well-written, but there are a few parts (discussed below) that should be rephrased for clarity. Well-written; no problem here.

2. It is factually accurate and verifiable.

   a (references): b (citations to reliable sources): c (OR):

   No major problems here other than a single dead ref.

3. It is broad in its coverage.

   a (major aspects): b (focused):

   Reasonably covered for the released aspects of the series (anime, manga, etc.)

4. It follows the neutral point of view policy.

   Fair representation without bias:

   Two of the character bios kind of sound like they imply a point of view as mentioned below. No other major issues. No major issues.

5. It is stable.

   No edit wars, etc.:

   No problem here. There have been no edit wars except a minor disagreement regarding the wording in the Reception section, which I assume is resolved. That, however, introduced a problem I will talk about in the comments.

6. It is illustrated by images, where possible and appropriate.

   a (images are tagged and non-free images have fair use rationales): b (appropriate use with suitable captions):

   Two images that sufficiently illustrate the article. Both have sufficient FUR, and have suitable captions.

7. Overall:

   Pass/Fail:

   On hold. See comments below.

Good to go, so ✓ Pass! Sorry for making it harder than it has to be. -- クラウド６６８ 10:37, 18 May 2012 (UTC)

Comments

Lead

• "Angel Beats! received mixed reviews by critics." – The first sentence in the reception section states that the anime received "generally positive reviews."
• "P.A Works is praised..." – since the reviews were published in the past, and that you used "was praised" in the preceding sentence, this should probably use "was" as well.

Plot

• "Angel Beats! takes place at a high school acting as a limbo...continuing to an afterlife or reincarnation. Those in the afterlife school..."
  • – Limbo is arguably an afterlife, but I won't worry about that part too much as I am a follower of the church of Madoka.
    • I tried clarifying limbo by adding "for those who have died" to point out that it's in the afterlife.--十八 09:59, 17 May 2012 (UTC)
  • – The latter part is a little misleading, as it suggests students in an afterlife may continue to another afterlife.
    • I ended up changing "to an afterlife or reincarnation" to simply "passing on", since it's never really explained in the series what happens to them after they disappear.--十八 09:59, 17 May 2012 (UTC)
      • That works. -- クラウド６６８ 02:42, 18 May 2012 (UTC)
• "Their only enemy is Angel, a girl with supernatural powers who fights against the SSS." – You don't necessarily need to fix this, but "a girl who has supernatural powers and fights against the SSS" might sound better.
• "As Otonashi begins to get used to things, the first of the characters to fulfill her dream and pass on is Iwasawa, the leader of Girls Dead Monster, who disappears in front of a crowd of people." – This is too wordy; you can probably do away with the first part of the sentence. Funny, but my music player shuffled to "My Song".
  • I shortened the sentence by removing the first and last bits.--十八 09:59, 17 May 2012 (UTC)

Characters

• Under Fujimaki, "...but does not seem like a bad person himself." – This kind of sounds like it implies a certain viewpoint, so you may want to phrase it differently.
  • Same for TK, I suppose.
    • I changed Fujimaki's, and took out the POV. As for TK, I took out one bit, but what about calling him mysterious?--十八 09:59, 17 May 2012 (UTC)
      • That's fine. Yuri describes TK as mysterious in the first episode, and it doesn't impart as strong of a POV as the above. -- クラウド６６８ 02:42, 18 May 2012 (UTC)
• You don't necessarily have to work on this, but Fujimaki's, Miyukichi's, and Shiorin's bios are relatively shorter. I know these three receive about the least attention in the anime, but is there anything else from the guidebook that can be used to expand these sections?
  • I'll see what I can do. I don't think I'll be able to add in much else, as I don't have the guidebook with me. The parts sourced from it came from the Japanese wiki.--十八 22:08, 17 May 2012 (UTC)
    • That's fine, I guess. The latter two characters still have yet to appear in Heaven's Door if I am not mistaken, so there isn't really much you can add unless you pull information from the 4-koma. -- クラウド６６８ 02:42, 18 May 2012 (UTC)

Production

• Yukiko Amagi and Shiki Ryōgi should be linked to Persona 4's and Kara no Kyōkai's character lists (and the latter not to Tōko). No other major issues here.

Books and publications

• "The main character of the stories is Hinata, and is a prequel to Angel Beats!..." – the latter part of this sentence implies that The main character is a prequel.
• You may want to go into the guidebook briefly in this section, especially since how it was used as a reference for a majority of the Characters section.

Manga

• "A four-panel comic strip manga illustrated by Haruka Komowata titled...began serialization..." – This is a little wordy. You may want to make this a parenthetic phrase. "A four-panel comic strip manga, illustrated by Haruka Komowata and titled..., began serialization...". I often see your sentences lack commas for these, but I won't worry about most of them (unless it gets confusing) as I think it's a matter of personal preference.
  • Sorry about that; I usually don't like putting too many commas in a sentence, so most of the time I shy away from them I guess.--十八 09:59, 17 May 2012 (UTC)
    • It's just a personal preference, but I think it sometimes improves clarity. -- クラウド６６８ 02:42, 18 May 2012 (UTC)

Anime

• The first sentence is a little wordy. Try adding commas like what I suggested above.
  • I split it into two sentences.--十八 09:59, 17 May 2012 (UTC)
    • That's good. -- クラウド６６８ 02:42, 18 May 2012 (UTC)

Reception

• Ref 87 went dead, and doesn't appear to have an archived instance.
• No other major problems.

I believe this article meets the good article criteria except a few issues noted above. I am putting this review on hold until these are discussed here or addressed. Thanks! -- クラウド６６８ 07:30, 17 May 2012 (UTC)

Looks good. Allow me to read through this again before I pass this as a GA. Thanks! -- クラウド６６８ 02:42, 18 May 2012 (UTC)

A few more:

Characters

• Matsushita's favourite food is niku udon instead of gyūdon.

Anime

• "The eyecatches used in the series feature the series logo on a white background with the note middle A played a single time." – This seems a little out of place, and I am not sure if it's necessary.
  • I did like it, but I guess it's unnecessary, so I removed it.--十八 04:23, 18 May 2012 (UTC)
    • I liked it too, but it was a little trivial. -- クラウド６６８ 05:02, 18 May 2012 (UTC)
• You may also want to add a note that each BD volume comes with a commentary track narrated by the characters and written by Maeda.
  • The commentary tracks were narrated by the characters in an in-universe point of view, not by the voice cast from an out-of-universe view. You may want to clarify that. -- クラウド６６８ 05:02, 18 May 2012 (UTC)
    • Okay, then I changed the wording to point out that the commentaries are performed, which should imply in-universe.--十八 10:00, 18 May 2012 (UTC)

Events

• "Lia and Aoi Tada sang their songs from "My Soul, Your Beats! / Brave Song"...and Lia and LiSA also sang "My Soul, Your Beats!" as a duet." – Does this mean "My Soul, Your Beats!" was performed twice?
  • Yes. The first one by Lia was during the main show, and the duet was the encore, as stated in the source.--十八 04:23, 18 May 2012 (UTC)

The article is good to go otherwise. -- クラウド６６８ 03:42, 18 May 2012 (UTC)