Al Bundy
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| Al Bundy | |
|---|---|
| First appearance | "The Pilot" |
| Last appearance | "Chicago Shoe Exchange" |
| Created by | Michael G. Moye Ron Leavitt |
| Portrayed by | Ed O'Neill |
| In-universe information | |
| Nickname | Al |
| Gender | Male |
| Occupation | Shoe Salesman |
| Family | Mother, father (deceased) |
| Spouse | Peg |
| Children | Bud and Kelly |
| Relatives | Jimmy (nephew) Uncle Stymie (uncle) Shamus McBundy (ancestor; deceased) |
Alphonse Hercules Bundy (born ca. 1948) is a fictional character from the U.S. television series Married… with Children, played by Ed O'Neill.
Fictional character history
The series never specified what name "Al" was short for, but the creators of the show said it was short for "Albert" or just "Al" (it should be noted that in the episode dealing with the overdue library book, the librarian called him Alphonse Bundy). He is a slovenly character who finds himself constantly downtrodden by life and forever regretful of the turns his life has taken since the end of high school, when an injury prevented him from playing college football. The character was so popular that it has left O'Neill somewhat typecast since the series ended production.
Al Bundy is married to Peg Bundy, a slovenly bitch who LOVES the cock. He mistakenly asked her to marry him after he got drunk and was forced to swallow her father's gooping load. He has two children: Kelly, a promiscuous, dumb blond, and Bud, a perpetually horny weasel. It is widely theorized that Al was not the real father of Bud Bundy, but this is false. Al is the proud owner of a '71 Dodge (actually a Plymouth Duster), built back in the era of American automotive T-Rex cars (although in one episode it is revealed that, "The Dodge" is constructed out of the parts of other broken-down, destroyed Dodges) and lives in Chicago. He works as a shoe salesman at the fictional Gary's Shoes and Accessories in the fictional New Market Mall. Al hates his job, loses it several times throughout the series, yet always ends up coming back to it. While it is suggested throughout the show that Al makes minimum-wage, it is likely an exaggeration, as the Bundys have a rather typical home that would be impossibly out of reach for a minimum-wage worker. However, in one episode, Al is offered early retirement and given a year's pay - $12,000. It is also worth noting that throughout the series Al is saddled with massive debts, and yet never seems to miss a mortgage payment or have to file for bankruptcy.
It is implied that Al is not very well liked by his neighborhood. In Route 666 Marcy said that when they found out on what was believed to be Al's death, they all started dancing and singing Ding Dong, the shoe man's dead and called it a cruel, cruel hoax.
Despite being a somewhat phlegmatic and slow person, Bundy has a very dry sense of humor, and a definite love for his family, though that can still be traded for a fair amount of money. On the rare occasions where he enjoys luxury and money, Al indeed expresses love for his family, perhaps indicating his distaste for them is spawned merely by his blaming them for his poor quality of life.
Al hates fat women, his job, the prospect of having sex with his wife, his feminist neighbor Marcy D'Arcy, and the French. He loves dirty magazines, free beer, bowling and "nudie" bars, and often cherishes the glory moment of his past - scoring four touchdowns while playing for the fictional Polk High School Panthers in the 1966 city championship game versus fictional Andrew Johnson High School, including the game winning touchdown in final seconds against his old nemesis “Spare Tire” Dixon (played by Bubba Smith in episode All-Nite Security Dude) His favorite movie is Hondo, favorite sitcom - Psycho Dad. His favorite magazine is "Big'uns." He enjoys watching sports and dirty movies on television, with his right hand tucked into his pants (he switches to his left hand on Sundays).
Al's talents include playing baseball, bowling, cooking on the barbecue (wearing an apron that says "Kiss the Cook, Kill the Wife"), and getting into and winning fistfights. He can survive incredible injuries ranging from a fall off the Bundy roof (which happened when he tried to install a satellite dish), getting electrocuted by that same dish, and getting pulverized by a massive woman wrestler in Las Vegas. Al also has an encyclopedic memory for sports trivia, which usually demonstrates how he has little interest in anything of substance.
Bundy and his friends founded "NO MA'AM," the "National Organization of Men Against Amazonian Masterhood". Its purpose is to fight the increasing power of women all over society.
Since there was no final episode special to make an epilogue, it's unknown what would happen to Al in the end. However, his guardian angel (played by the late Sam Kinison in the episode It's a Bundyful Life Part 2) accidentally mentions that at age 60 his stomach gets so ulcer-ridden that he dies from all the stress of living his life.
Jobs held by Al Bundy
- Shoe Salesman
- Kelly's agent
- Garbage Man
- Fast Food Employee
- Department Store Santa
- Gas Station Attendant
- Male Erotic Dancer at a Women's Bar
- Founder of NO MA'AM
- Security Guard of Polk High
- NO MA'AM President
- Calendar model
- Policeman on COPS
- National Guardsman
- Hotel Bellhop
- Can Man
- Reverend and leader of the Church of NO MA'AM ("Reverend Al," episode 10x04)
- Baseball player on the Chicago Cleavage during the baseball strike (wore #38DD)
- Burger trek
- Psychic a.k.a. Mademe Zelda
- Director of "Sheos"
- Actor in Kelly's performance of Phantom of the Opera and star of "A Day in the life of a Shoe Salesmen"
- Shoe maker when inspired to create "the shoes of God"
- Telephone operator dedicated to providing shoe advice.
Al Bundy Famous Quotes
- No, Peg
- Let's rock.
- Go away, Peg.
- A fat woman came to the shoestore today...
- I'm the only guy in the world who has to wake up to have a nightmare.
- A man's home is his coffin.
- Women - can't live with them.... The End.
- Women - can't live with them, can't herd them all to Canada.
- Entertainment for the cave man was simple: Man kills food, woman burns it, giant pterodactyl swoops down, chases woman, woman falls in mud. A good laugh is had by all.
- Peg, I suspect your mind, much like the lost continent of Atlantis, no longer appears on any map.
- I hate life, life hates me.
- I'm so upset I can hardly eat this sandwich! (He says so but eats the sandwich anyway)
- I'm so hungry I could eat a vegetable!
- I feel so good--I'm almost happy.
- Am I truly nothing? Could the neighborhood children be right?
- Now wait a second. My pretty teenage daughter--with the brain of a fruit-fly--earned a thousand dollars in three nights... should I be worried?
- The only power I sensed was that of the mighty forces unleashed by beans!
- Ok, here's another idea. Let's toss this in the oven and see if it bakes. There's a shoe-salesman in the 23rd century. It's called Shoe Trek.
- Peg, you can stab me with knives, you can beat me with clubs, you can make me open my eyes when we're having sex, but there's no way on earth you can make me get a second job.
- The opera isn't over until the last heterosexual falls asleep.
- The last thing a guy wants to look at at the end of the day is a woman.
- How about if I get my gun and shoot you with a nice silver bullet?
- Back then mother meant cooking but then, gay meant happy.
- Why doesn't the world die?
- I was driving home, God knows why...
- I hate my life. Can't eat, can't sleep, can't bury the wife in the backyard.
- Peg, feed me, or feed me TO something: I just want to be part of the food chain. (from "The Dance Show" episode)
- It's only cheating if you get caught.
- Sure selling shoes is fun. But behind the glamour, it's like any other minimum wage slow death.
- Damn, does my life suck!
- But Peg, we've been married for seventeen years - can't we just be friends?
- Sorry, Peg, I didn't hear you. I was thinking of killing myself.
- Peg, can you explain to her the difference between expend and earning? Who I am asking to, of course you can't !
- You think I'm a loser? Because I have a stinking job that I hate, a family that doesn't respect me, and a whole city that curses the day I was born? Well, that may mean loser to you, but let me tell you something. Every day when I wake up in the morning, I know it's not going to get any better until I go back to sleep. So I get up. I have my watered-down Tang and my still-frozen Pop Tart. I get in my car with no gas, no upholstery, and six more payments. I fight honking traffic just for the privilege of putting cheap shoes onto the cloven hooves of people like you. I'll never play football like I wanted to. I'll never know the touch of a beautiful woman. And I'll never know the joy of driving through the city without a bag over my head. But I'm not a loser. Because, despite it all, me and every other guy who'll never be what they wanted to be, is out there, being what we don't want to be, forty hours a week, for life. And the fact that I haven't put a gun in my mouth, you pudding of a woman, makes me a winner!
Al Bundy's verbal exchanges with people around him
Peg : You haven't been very nice to my family.
Al : Neither has nature, go bother it!
Marcy : I am Marcy D'Arcy here on behalf of the Coalition for the Aesthetically Challenged.
Al : Challenged? I'd say defeated, exiled and left for dead!
Peg : Ooh baby! Is that a nightstick or are you just happy to see me?
Al : It's a nightstick, Peg, and I'm not afraid to use it!
Al : Have I told you today, I love you Peg.
Peg : Why, no Al.
Al : Good!
Al : Any last words, punk?
Teenage gang leader : Yeah, your wife's good in bed!
Al : So you're a liar, too!
(Al and Bud proceed to beat up the entire street gang)
Peg: Al, I want sex.
Al: Well, so do I. But I don't see the need to bring you into it.
Marcy [Sitting naked in her hot tub]: Al Bundy, what do you think you're doing?
Al: Going blind if you stand up!
Peg: Did you miss me?
Al: With every bullet, so far.
Kid: I want my mommy!
Al: So does your dad's brother.
Peg: Al are you gonna miss me ?
Al: Well I can't until you leave.
Roulette Dealer: I like a man whose is on top of things.
Al: And I like a woman with things on top
Pizza Delivery Guy[After being caught with Kelly on the couch]: So how about my tip?
Al[Leading him towards the door]: Ok, here's a tip[Slamming him against the door]: Doors are hard.