A Star Is Torn

"A Star Is Torn"
The Simpsons episode
Episode no.	Season 16
Directed by	Nancy Kruse
Written by	Carolyn Omine
Original air dates	May 8, 2005
Episode features
Chalkboard gag	None
Couch gag	Homer walks through a series of doorways to get to the living room, a la Get Smart

"A Star is Torn" is the eighteenth episode of The Simpsons' sixteenth season. The episode aired on May 8, 2005.

Synopsis

On a visit to the Kwik-E-Mart, when Apu is being robbed, the Simpsons go to a vegetable side outside the store. They buy vegetables on Lisa's insistence. The family gets vegetables, but they get sick. When watching an ad on TV, they see Krusty make an endorsement for his Li'l Starmaker competition, an American Idol parody that is not affiliated with the show itself. She is shocked when a contestant with a beautiful voice, Clarissa, performs the "Mockingbird" song. Only Homer can help bolster Lisa's chances of winning when he writes a song about Springfield, which makes Lisa enter the competition alongside Clarissa.

Although Lisa is a success at the show, she is mad with Homer, her manager. She cannot stand him so much, she fires him, and Homer suffers road rage. In response, Homer becomes the manager of Cameron, a boy with a beautiful voice, which he later renames "Johnny Rainbow". At the competition, Lisa counters by writing her own emotional song, which the audience likes. The audience ultimately comes out in favor of Lisa and rejects Cameron, and she respects Homer again.

Quotes

• Ralph: (singing his song) A, B, C, D, E, F, G... (pause) How I wonder what you are. (the Applause-O-Meter rates Ralph's performance as "sarcastic")
• Homer: Cameron's about to learn the most important thing about the music business-never trust people in the music business.
• Krusty: So enter today! Especially if you're a weird looking kid who doesn't know he sucks!
  Milhouse: I'm a comin', Krusty!
• Milhouse: (singing) When a man loves a woman...
  Lenny: Which one are you? The man or the woman?
  Carl: Questioning the kid's sexuality. Well done!
  (Lenny and Carl pound it)
• (In Lisa's fantasy "Itchy and Scratchy" episode, the mouse and cat are fencing each other. Lisa rides up on her unicorn and beheads them both; their heads are placed on the unicorn's horn)
  Lisa: (laughs, then looks grimly right at the camera) Seriously, cruelty to animals is no laughing matter. You can make a difference!
  Itchy: Spay and neuter your pets.
  Lisa: And remember, save the violence for cartoons!
  (Lisa throws Itchy and Scratchy's heads over a cliff into a cauldron of acid)
  Scratchy: For details, log on to PETA.org. (dissolves in the acid)
• Homer: His name's not Cameron anymore. It's "Johnny Rainbow".
  Cameron: Um, see, about that Mr. Simpson...
  Homer: I'm not Homer Simpson. That ship has sailed. I'm "Colonel Cool"! And I'm captain on this rocket to the stars!
  Bart: So are you a "colonel" or a "captain"?
  Homer: Neither; I'm both!
• Homer: I don't miss meat at all! This portobello mushroom eats like a steak. A rubbery, fungus-like steak. (eats it. stomach starts rumbling.) Oh Marge, I'm giving birth to a food baby!
• Homer (seeing an ear of corn): Fascinating! It's like a corn dog without the dog!
• Krusty: Hurry up. After this, I've got to record 27 seasons of DVD commentary. And I remember nothing!
• Homer: The time we have together is precious to me. I won't be around for much longer.
  Lisa: What's wrong, Dad?
  Homer: Well, Moe's getting a big screen TV in February, just in time for the pro bowl. Maybe my beloved blue shirts will finally win this year.
• Homer: I'll always be there for you, honey. Not even death will stop me!

Original songs

I'm Talkin' Springfield
I've been to Paris and London and Tokyo town,
But one crazy berg's got them all beat hands downnnnnnn
I'm talkin' Springfield
You can buy Chimmi-Chongas
Talkin' Springfield
The chicks have big ba-zongas
There's tires on fire,
A guy named Apu,
And Skinner and Grandpa and Old Disco Stu
Did I forget to mention you?
I'm talkin' Springfield
Where nobody suckkkkkkkkkkks
Except for Flanders

Privileged Boy
I'm a privileged boy
It's great I gotta tell ya
Privileged boy
My dad can buy and sell ya
It doesn't matter that you're on the list in front of me
I'm gonna get your table cause I always tip the maitre d'
And then I'll go to Yale because I am a legacy
I'm better than you!

Notes

• This Epsisode seems to draw heavly from Al Jolson's "The Jazz Singer"
• This is actually Homer's second stint as a singer's manager; he launched Lurleen Lumpkin's career way back in Colonel Homer (his reference to himself as "Col. Cool" may be an oblique reference to this). Add in "Homer's Barbershop Quartet" and "How I Spent My Strummer Vacation", and it's Homer's fourth episode revolving around his being in the music business (which might explain his cynical remark about the state of the profession; see "Quotes" above).
• This is the third episode with the title parodying A Star is Born, the other two being A Star is Burns and A Star is Born-Again.