The NoZe Brotherhood

The Beginning

Baylor University's oldest campus beautification society and perennial gadfly, the holy and supreme, immaculate yet serene, heard yet unseen Noble NoZe Brotherhood of the Universe (East Waco diocese) was founded in Brooks Hall in 1924 (1926, by some incorrect accounts). Although its origins are murky and unclear, the oral tradition passed down from brother to brother over the decades has it that the organization owes its inception to one Leonard Shoaf, a freshman with a proboscis of gargantuan proportions. Shoaf's school chums took exceeding pleasure in ribbing poor Leonard, until the fateful night on which the lads gathered in Shoaf's room to inform him that the girth of his schnoz was so impressive that they could "form a club around it!"

At that auspicious moment, Shoaf was anointed Brother Long Nose, and by unanimous proclamation elected Lorde Mayor of the Nose Brotherhood (satch!). Bro. Long Nose held this lofty post for all of thirty seconds (one minute, by some accounts) while he was regaled by his brethren, at which point he is said to have uttered those timeless words that can still send a brother into paroxysms of joy and wailing: "get out of my room, you satchel-assed sons of bitches!"

Ever since that blessed day, "satchel" has meant, of course, "good" in NoZe prose.

The Innocent Years

Nevertheless, Bro. Long Nose apparently recognized the solemn burden that fate had placed on him, and he seems to have worn the mantle of founder and Lorde Mayor of the new campus beautification society with pride. The Brotherhood became a popular, only slightly irreverent campus fixture in the years that followed, poking fun at their rivals, the Baylor Chamber of Commerce (aka chamberpots), appearing in Baylor's yearbook, the "Round-Up," and writing the occasional humorous piece for the yearbook or Baylor's "newspaper", "The Lariat." The targets of the Nose's mirth included Baylor's faculty, administration, the Southern Baptist Convention, various student organizations, and themselves. In these innocent, golden years, from its inception in the 1920s through the early 1960s, the Brothers did not attempt to disguise their identities.

Traditions

In 1954, the Brotherhood began publishing its own satirical newspaper, the "Rope." Once again, the Brothers took aim at the sacred cows of Baylor University and the Baptist church, employing satire and absurdity and developing a writing style that became known as "NoZe prose."

The Brotherhood has always venerated its history and traditions through the solemn observance of several key festivals and holidays. The oldest, the Pink Tea, has been held annually since the 1920s, "In accordance with a writ of proscendo issued by the most noble and serene, immaculate and supreme, imperial satchel and sovereign grand lodge representative and delegate, Bro. Long Nose." (Satch!!) The Pink Tea, held every spring, affords the Brothers the opportunity to hear the State of the Onion address by the Lorde Mayor, to celebrate the history of the Brotherhood, to hear one or more inspiring addresses by guest speakers (usually Baylor faculty), less than inspiring addresses by neophyte Brothers (sore afraid!), to apologize for the poor quality of their dates, and to generally engage in holy boogie and heavy petting.

The Millard Fillmore ball, held every fall to commemorate the first president to have indoor plumbing in the White House (during his administration all Chamber Pots were discarded from the White House), is a more saturnalian affair; most of the speeches and ceremony are dispensed with in favor of a greater emphasis on the holy boogie and heavy petting.

Downfall

In the mid-1960s, the Brotherhood's relationship with Baylor's administration became more precarious, due primarily to ill-advised campus beautification projects the Brothers took on without sufficient notification of the president's office - namely, the repeated painting of a campus bridge in the Nose's colors, pink and blue, followed by the torching of said bridge when Baylor's administration failed to show sufficient appreciation for the Nose's service project.

Now personas non gratas, the Brotherhood fled underground, disguising their identities with rubber noses and wigs. For some reason lost to history, the Brothers changed the spelling of their moniker from "nose" to "NoZe" and adopted a guerrilla profile - crashing various campus events, such as "Sing," Chapel, and Comehoming parades to the delight of onlookers. The "Rope" ("a monthly published sporadically") continues to probe the sordid goings-on and hypocrisies of Baylor University and Baptist politics with good natured satire and absurdity. Officially banned from campus for most of the past forty years now, the Brotherhood nevertheless continues to remain a very popular fixture at Baylor among faculty, students, and alumni.

The Players

Key figures in the NoZe Brotherhood include: the Lorde Mayor, bearer of the Enlightening Rod of Elmo; the Cunning Linguist, who edits the "Rope"; and the Shekel Keeper, who tries to keep the graft to a minimum so that there will be funds available after publication costs to pay for parties. The Bored of Graft consists of past Lordes Mayor, who are available to dispense wisdom and advice to the current Lorde Mayor should he solicit it (he rarely does, which is probably wise!).

Unlike some organizations, the Brotherhood is quite liberal in handing out awards, titles, and various sobriquets...in fact, if a NoZe feels that his Brothers have not seen fit to bestow sufficient honors upon him, he is encouraged to come up with his own. NoZe honors typically begin with the prefix "Keko Keeper of...", the meaning of which is apparently lost to history.

In NoZe lore, there are four types of people in the world. There are, of course, NoZe Brothers. Infidels are the great unwashed masses who are most easily identified by the fact that they are not NoZe Brothers. Fortunates, on the other hand, are infidels who, by the grace of Elmo, have the good fortune to actually know (in the biblical sense) a NoZe Brother. Exiles are NoZe Brothers who have graduated or otherwise left the cozy confines of Jerusalem-on-the-Brazos.

The NoZe delight in praising the memory of Brother Long NoZe in prose and song. Ditties such as "This Old God," "When the NoZe is Blown Up Yonder," and "Rock Around the Cross" are sure to get the Brothers feeling festive, while the once semi-annual recitation of the traditional NoZe saga "The Cry of the Enormous Rabbit" (satch!) by Brother DestructoNoZe has been known to drive attendant and intoxicated Brothers into paroxysms of unadulterated joy.

The NoZe Brotherhood maintains its global headquarters in the sleepy hamlet of Elm Mott, Texas. A NoZe Brother must maintain a 4.0 grade point average, and is forbidden to ever reveal his identity to an infidel (unless its to a hairy leg, and only if there's a possibility that it might lead to heavy petting). Every semester, the Brotherhood holds UnRush, an opportunity for infidels to present themselves for consideration to be kut by the NoZe Brotherhood. The NoZe will announce the time and place of UnRush in the first "Rope" of the semester, and invite infidels to submit a humorous, satirical, or absurdist paper of 10,365 words (or less) sans teats, caca, or peadle. During UnRush, the Lorde Mayor will prophesy to and harangue the attendant masses on some matter of topical interest.

As for the criteria the Brotherhood uses in assessing submitted papers, the manner in which prospective Brothers are weighed in the balance and considered for inclusion among the elect, the Saints of Elmo, the selection and initiation of new Brothers...these matters are not for the infidel to know!