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Dolph the Fascist Hippo

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For the Star Wars character, see Kueller.
For the Simpsons character, see Dolph (Simpsons).
An election poster for Dolph, made by the TV network for episode 4 of Wulffmorgenthaler.

Dolph also known as Dolph the Fascist Hippo is a fictional character currently appearing in the Danish television show Dolph & Wulff, played by Danish actor Jonas Schmidt, who is otherwise known in Denmark from another popular comedy series, P.I.S., and a longrunning series of Toyota commercials. Dolph is a large, Fascist, baby-blue Hippopotamus usually appearing armed with a baseball bat. He first appeared as a minor character in the Danish cartoon strip Wulffmorgenthaler, which appears daily in the newspaper Politiken, though he had already been created for the yet unaired TV-show at that point, and a very early version had appeared in the music video for the song "Oak Tree Girl" by Powersolo in early 2004, directed by Anders Morgenthaler. In 2005, the tv station DR2 aired a show based on the cartoon. Four characters appeared in the show, the two authors of the strip (Mikael Wulff and Anders Morgenthaler) plus two of its minor characters; Dolph and Margit, a feminist and politically correct squirrel. As could be expected, Dolph had a very strained relationship with the show's other characters. The show ran for 10 episodes.

It quickly turned out that Dolph was the most popular character in the show, and DR2 announced that Dolph would return in 2005. On 28 October 2005, Dolph returned to the screen in a new show co-starring with Mikael Wulff but without both Margit the Squirrel and Anders Morgenthaler. The show had also been re-named from Wulffmorgenthaler to Dolph & Wulff.

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Personality

Dolph suffers from megalomania, un-controlled rage, paranoia, aggression, and xenophobia, in the literal sense of the word. Whenever he sees a black person, he starts screaming and attempts to hide; at one time claiming that a single black male was actually an army of tribeleaders from Botswana, as an excuse for him going into hiding. He is a racist, but on closer inspection, he in fact hates virtually everybody else ("most German people" is a notable exception). He often refers to himself in the third-person singular. He constantly tries to convince the world that it should accept him as its sole ruler, but is frustrated by his lack of success. Although a Fascist, Dolph has never made any references to neither Jews nor the Holocaust and is apparently not a declared anti-Semite. Nor does he use any Nazi or Fascist symbols, although he clearly admires Hitler. On the other hand, he has no respect for virtually anybody else, and regrets the abolition of apartheid. He is a firm believer in military dictatorship and nuclear power - preferably in the form of nuclear weapons. He is a firm opposer of democracy. He has - unsuccesfully - attempted to blow up the Danish parliament, Christiansborg. This plan went foul when his accomplice forgot to bring the bomb.

Dolph constantly claims that he has received training as both a ninja and by the special forces, and that he's an expert in stealth techniques. He has - so far - provided little proof for any of these stories. The fact that he's incredibly obese seems to point to the contrary. His all-important hero is a Danish elite soldier, B.S. Christiansen [1], who appeared in episode eight of Dolph & Wulff. Interestingly, Dolph has also appeared in a fight-AIDS campaign [2], stating that "AIDS is a weak desease, it is totally unfit for the society of the future (...) Had it been a strong disease it would go for the strong members of society". Dolph has become a cult figure and the show has many fans.

Dolph has found a few persons worthy to contribute to what he refers to as "the society of the future". Those include Steven Seagal, Chuck "Texas Ranger" Norris, Jean-Claude Van Damme, Danish elite soldier B.S. Christiansen, singer Helmut Lotti, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Danish football player Stig Tøfting, Prince Joachim and most German people. A few members of his list of hopeless cases include baby seals, hippies, male hairdressers, and Danish Prime Minister Anders Fogh Rasmussen. Despite Dolph's fondness of his baseball bat, which he believes can solve virtually every problem, the Wulffmorgenthaler show showed no real violence. Dolph & Wulff is more violent, although no real violence is shown. In Dolph & Wulff, episode 1, Dolph apparently kills a character called "Mogens, the naughty kitty", in order to release himself from a contract bound to by ninja honour. In Episode 2, Dolph creates a diversion to free Mikael Wulff who is held captive by a crazy farmer who wants to kill him with a chainsaw. This is accomplished when he empties a can of acid in a barrel containing the farmer's pet pig. In both examples, no real violence is seen.

He often claims to hate Wulff, referring to him as being a hobbit, because of his height, but he actually seems to care about Wulff, saving him on several occasions, and, after a fight where Dolph was essentially fired, he gave Wulff a "SWAT Team startkit", consisting of a moustache, in an attempt to apologise.

Dolph fell into coma and was shortly clinically dead following a failed plastic operation but was revived by his hero, B. S. Christiansen. After his return to life, Dolph joined B. S. Christiansen on a secret mission with his squad of special elite soliders, leaving Wullf without any career posibilities at all, not counting Wulff's idea for a Crocodile Dundee style show, mainly about himself wearing a leather hat. Dolph returned in the next episode, since his mission was accomplished, with 9000 babyseals dead.

Quotes

  • "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRGGGHHHHH. You are sick!" (used frequently)
  • "LA LA LA. I can't hear you!" (used frequently)
  • "You are 100% asshole" (used whenever people disagree with him)
  • "If any of you want anything, just call me" (used often).
  • "I'm up, I'm up. Fast like a ninja! Nobody saw anything. Fact!" (used whenever he falls - which seems to happen quite often)
  • "Dolph reporting for duty" (used with a military salute to people he admires)
  • "Shut up! People are dying of boredom." (Wulffmorgenthaler, episode 1)
  • "Laughter. NO THANKS! Hydrogen bomb. YES SIIIR!" (Wulffmorgenthaler, episode 1)
  • "If the world was a perfect set of teeth, you'd be plaque!" (Wulffmorgenthaler, episode 2)
  • "Margit, if I had a bazooka right now, you wouldn't have a face." (Wulffmorgenthaler, episode 2)
  • "Dolph is invisible. No-one can see him. Sneaking like a Japanese ninja." (Wulffmorgenthaler, episode 3)
  • "I'd really like to look like Mogens Camre. He's a handsome guy. His face is a mosaic of dead skin. Dead, but beautiful." (Wulffmorgenthaler, episode 4)
  • "This is a Ukrainian wax treatment. Very, very effective, and very, very ruthless." (Wulffmorgenthaler, episode 6)
  • "Democracy must be crushed. The world needs energetic people like Stalin, Mussolini, Hanne Nørrisgaard and Peter Norvig. Likeable sadists — yes sir!" (Dolph & Wulff, episode 5)

Trivia

The Actor inside Dolph, Jonas Schmidt was in a movie with Dolph's idol B. S. Christiansen in the movie In China They Eat Dogs. where they both played police officers.

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