Russian humour

For most of Russian history, humour remained an expression of the human spirit that was treated with skepticism by the country's leadership. Under the ascetic dogmatism of the clergy in medieval times, human laughter seemed pagan and suspicious, while political satire was considered potentially dangerous under autocratic monarchies, as well as under communist rule. In spite of, or even because of its oppression, Russian humour flourished as a liberating culture and a means to counter and ridicule the elite. During the stagnation period of the Soviet Union in the 1970s and early 1980s for instance, in a relatively peaceful and politically stable environment, sharp political wit addressed social shortcomings. With the end of authoritarian regimes in Russia in the 1990s, the decline of political humour has been lamented as being a symptom of westernisation. New features of post-communist Russian society, such as semi-criminal businessmen, instead led to the emergence of other stereotypes for satirical jokes. Generally Russian humour gains much of its wit from the great flexibility and richness of the Russian language, allowing for plays on words and unexpected associations.

Stereotypes

Fixed characters

The most popular form of Russian humour consists of jokes (анекдо́ты — anekdoty), which are short stories with a punchline. A typical characteristic of Russian joke culture is that it features a series of categories with fixed and highly familiar settings and characters. Surprising effects are achieved by an endless variety of plots. Some of the most popular characters and settings are:

Standartenführer Stirlitz

Standartenführer Stirlitz, alias Colonel Isayev is a character from a Soviet TV series (based on a novel by Yulian Semyonov) played by the popular actor Vyacheslav Tikhonov about a Soviet spy infiltrated into Nazi Germany. Stirlitz interacts with Nazi officials Ernst Kaltenbrunner, Martin Bormann and Heinrich Müller. Usually two-liners told in parody of the stern and solemn announcement style of the background voice in the original series, the plot is resolved in grotesque plays on words or in dumb parodies of over-smart narrow escapes and superlogical trains of thought of the "original" Stirlitz.

• Müller returns to his office and sees Stirlitz kneeling in front of the safe. "What are you doing here?" asks Müller. "I'm waiting for the tram". — "Ah, I see," says Müller and walks out. "...Wait a minute, how can a tram go through my office?" Müller soon realises and rushes back, but Stirlitz has disappeared. "He caught the tram, then", thinks Müller.

• During the ceremony on the occasion of Hitler's birthday, Stirlitz sees "Stirlitz is an asshole!" written in chalk on a nearby wall. ...And only Stirlitz knew that he has been awarded the title of Hero of the Soviet Union.

• "Stirlitz! You are a Jew!" — suddenly barks Müller. "No way, I'm a proud Russian one!", briskly retorts Stirlitz, and Müller responds: "Well, I'm a German one."

• Stirlitz sits in his office. Someone knocks at the door. "It's Bormann", thinks Stirlitz. "Yes, it's me", thinks Bormann.

Poruchik Rzhevski

Poruchik (lieutenant) Rzhevski is a fictional cavalry officer interacting with characters from the novel War and Peace by Leo Tolstoy. In the aristocratic setting of ball dances and 19th century social sophistication, Rzhevski, brisk, but not very smart, keeps ridiculing the decorum with his rude vulgarities. As it was fashinonable among the Russian nobility at the time to speak French, Rzhevski occasionally uses French expressions, of course with a heavy Russian accent.

• Kniaz Obolenski asks Poruchik Rzhevski: "Tell me, Poruchik, how come you're so good with the ladies? Tell me your secret!" — "It's quite simplemant, Kniaz, quite simplemant. I just come over and ask: 'Let's boink!'" — "But Poruchik, you can get slapped in the face like that!" — "Oui, first they slap, but then we boink!"

• Poruchik Rzhevski asks his aide: "Stepan, there is a grand ball tonight. Have you got a new pun for me to tell there?" — "Sure, master, how about this song: 'Adam had Eve... right on the eve... of their very last day in the Eden...'" — "A good one!". Later, at the ball: "Messieurs, messieurs! My Stepan taught me a funny chanson ridicule: 'Adam boinked Eve early at the dawn...' Pardon, not like that... 'Adam and Eve all through the night ...' Er... What the heck, of course, they had sex, but it was absolutemant splendid in the verse!"

• Poruchik Rzhevski is dancing with Natasha Rostova at the Grand Ball and suddenly he needs to take a leak. Being polite, he says to his lady: "Natasha, I beg your beauty to excuse me for five minutes to check my horse". In five minutes he is back, wet from his spurs to epaulets. "Is it rainy?" wonders Natasha. "No, windy, mademoiselle."

Rabinovich

Rabinovich, an archetypal Russian Jew, often an otkaznik (refusenik), who is refused permission to emigrate to Israel.

• Rabinovich fills out an application form. The official is sceptical: "You stated that you don't have any relatives abroad, but you do have a brother in Israel." "Yes but he isn't abroad, I am abroad!"

• Seeing a pompous and luxurious burial of a member of the Politburo, Rabinovich sadly shakes his head and says: "What a waste! With all this money I could have buried the whole Politburo!"

Vovochka

Vovochka is a Russian cousin of Little Johnny. He interacts with his school teacher, Ms Mar'ya Ivanovna. The name is a highly dimunitive form (Vovochka<Vova<Volodya<Vladimir) which creates the "little boy" effect. His fellow students bear similarly dimunitive names, such as Mashen'ka (<Masha<Mariya), Peten'ka(<Petya<Pyotr), Vasen'ka(<Vasya<Vasilij), etc. This "little boy" name is used to contrast with Vovochka's very adult, often obscene statements.

• A class in elementary school. The teacher tells the story about the rescue of Soviet arctic explorers by brave aviators in the 1930s. Then she asks the class what thoughts does that evoke. Mashen'ka raises her hand and says that she is impressed by their heroism. Peten'ka raises his hand and says he wants to be a pilot when he grows up. Finally, the teacher asks Vovochka, "What do you think about when you hear this story?". "About chicks, Marya Ivanovna", replies Vovochka. "But why about chicks?" asks the teacher, exasperated. "Oh, I always think about them", says Vovochka.

There has also recently appeared a slew of jokes based on the fact that "Vovochka" can refer to Russian President Vladimir Putin.

Chapayev

Vassili Ivanovich Chapayev, a Red Army officer, was a hero of the Russian Civil War and lead character of a popular movie. Together with his aide Petka (Peter), Anka the machine-gunner (girl), and commissar Furmanov he is extremely popular in Russian anecdotes. Most common topics are about their fight with the royalist White Army, Chapayev's futile attempts to enroll into a military academy, and the circumstances of his death while attempting to swim across a river.

• "I flunked again, Petka. The question was about Caesar, and I told them it is a bay stallion from 7th cavalry squadron." -- "My fault, Vasili Ivanovich, I've just moved him to the 6th!"

• Chapayev, Petka and Anka are hiding from the Whites and go crawling over a field: Anka first, then Petka, then Chapayev. Petka says: "Anka, your mother was probably a ballerine: your legs are so slender!" Chapayev says: "And your father, Petka, was a plowman: you are leaving so deep a furrow!"

• On the occasion of an anniversary of the October Revolution, Furmanov gives a political lecture to rank and file: "...And now we are on our glorious way to the shining horizons of Communism!" -- "How was that?" - Chapayev asks Petka afterwards. "Exalting!... But unclear. What the hell is a horizon?" -- "See Petka, it is a line you may see far away in the steppe when the weather is good. And a tricky one: no matter how long you ride towards it, you'll never reach it, only wear down your horse." ( Since these heroic times, a huge number of different folk characters starred this joke, including, of course, Rabinovich.)

New Russians

New Russians, newly-rich, arrogant and poorly educated post-perestroika businessmen and gangsters, are a new and most popular category of characters in contemporary Russian jokes. A common plot is the interaction of a New Russian in his Mercedes with a regular Russian in his modest Soviet-era Zaporozhets after having had a car accident. A New Russian is often a bandit or at least speaks criminal argot, with a number of neologisms typical for New Russians. In a way, these anecdotes are a continuation of the Soviet-era series about Georgians, who were then depicted as extremely wealthy. The physical appearance of the New Russians is often that of overweight men with thick gold chains and crimson jackets, always holding their fingers in the horns gesture.

• "Daddy, all my schoolmates are riding the bus, and I am the black sheep with the personal car." -- "No problem, son, let's buy you a bus!"

• "Look at my new tie," says a new Russian to his colleague. "I bought it for 500 dollars in the store over there." "You idiot," says the other. "You could have paid twice as much just across the street!"

Animals

Jokes set in the animal kingdom also feature stereotypes, such as the violent wolf, the sneaky fox, the cocky rabbit and the bear who features a lot of ethnic Russian characteristics.

Drunkards

• Two drunks get onto a bus. One of them asks "Will this bus take me to 25th Street?" The bus driver says that no, it will not. After a pause, the other man asks "What about me?"

• A drunkard takes a leak by a lamp pole in the street. A policeman tries to reason him: "Don't you see, the latrine is just 25 steps away?" The drunk replies: "Do you think it is a fire hose in my pants here?"

• Three drunks crawl along the rail tracks. "What a long ladder we've got onto!" — "And the banisters are so cold!" — "It's OK, the elevator is coming!"

Policemen

These tend to revolve around the fact that the vast majority of Russian policemen take bribes. Also, they are not considered to be very bright.

• An intelligence test was conducted among the OMON (The spec ops of the Russian police force) involving various sized round holes and square pegs. The conlusion states that the OMON can be divided into two groups: very dumb and VERY strong...

Ethnic stereotypes

Russia and the former Soviet Union have always been multinational, and throughout their history, several stereotypes for ethnicities have developed, often shared with other ethnicities (with the understandable exception of the ethnicity in question, but not always).

Chukchi, the native people of Chukotka in far-east Siberia, are the classical sort of minority of which every nation has one to make fun of. In jokes they are depicted as generally primitive and dim-witted.

• A Chukcha applies for membership in the Union of Writers, the Soviet state-controlled authors' association. He is asked what literature he knows. "Have you read Pushkin?" "No." "Have you read Dostoyevski?" "No." "Have you read anything at all?" The Chukcha is offended: "Chukcha not reader, Chukcha writer!"

• A Chukcha goes to a department store and asks the clerk "Do you have color televisions?" The clerk says yes, they do. "Okay, then, I'll take a green one."

Chukchi do not miss their chance to retaliate.

• A Chukcha and a Russian go hunting polar bears. They track one down at last. Seeing the bear, the Chukcha shouts "Run!" and starts running away. The Russian shrugs, raises his gun and shoots the bear. "You say you Russians are so smart," says the Chukcha. "Now haul this bear ten miles to the camp yourself!"

Ukrainians are depicted as rustic, greedy and fond of bacon, and their accent, which is imitated in jokes, is perceived as funny.

• An Ukrainian and an African sit in a train compartment. The African takes out a banana. The Ukrainian wonders what that is, and the African shares his banana with him. The Ukrainian then takes out some bacon. The African wonders what that is and asks if he may try it. The Ukrainian replies "It's just common bacon, why try it?"

In addition, Ukrainians are perceived to bear a grudge against Russians.

• The Soviet Union has launched the first man into space. A Ukrainian peasant, standing on top of a hill, shouts over to another Ukrainian on another hill to tell the news. "Mikola!" "Yes!" "The Russians have flown into space!" "All of them?" "No, not all of them!" "So why are you bothering me?"

Georgians are depicted as masculine and hot-blooded. Recently they are often depicted homosexual (earlier this trait was atributed only to Armenians). The very loud and theatrical Georgian accent, including its grammatical mistakes, is funny to imitate in Russian and often becomes a joke in itself.

In Soviet times they were also perceived as running a black market business. It should however be noted that at that time Russians often applied the name "Georgians" (gruziny) to all people from the Caucasus, regardless of their actual nationality. There is a joke, probably based on a real event, that in some police reports they are termed as "persons of Caucasus nationality". In Russia itself, most people saw "persons of Caucasus nationality" mostly at marketplaces selling fruits and flowers.

• A plane takes off from the Tbilisi airport in Georgia. A passenger storms the pilot's cabin, waving a AK-47 gun and demanding to turn to Israel. The pilot shrugs OK, but suddenly the man's head falls off his shoulders, and a Georgian pops from behind with his dagger, blood dripping and a huge suitcase: "Listen here genatsvale, no any Israel-Misrael, fly Moscow nonstop, roses are fading!"

Note: On the Russian desire to leave the Soviet Union see Political Humour, below.

Armenians are often used interchangeably with Georgians, sharing the same stereotypes. Their most famous national feature is the fictitious Armenian Radio telling political jokes, see below.

Estonians, allegedly rustic and mean, are depicted as having no sense of humour and being stubborn and taciturn. The Estonian accent, especially its sing-song tune and the lack of genders in grammar, forms part of the humour. The common usage of two letters in a row in Estonian writing (e.g. Tallinn, Saaremaa) also led to the stereotype of being slow in speech, thinking and action.

• An Estonian stands at the railway track. Another Estonian passes by on a hand car, pushing the pump up and down. The first Estonian asks the one on the car: "Is it far to Tallinn?" "No, not far." He gets on the car and together they start pushing the pump up and down. After two hours of silent pumping, the first Estonian asks again "Is it far to Tallinn?" The other replies "Yes, now it's far."

• Estonian mobile phone operators have introduced a new special promotion: the first two hours of a call are free.

Jews. Jewish humour is a highly developed culture in Russia, created within Jewish mentality about Jews themselves. These Jewish anecdotes are not the same as anti-Semitic jokes. Instead, whether told by Jews or non-Jewish Russians, these jokes show cynicism, self-irony and wise wit that is characteristic about Jewish sense of humour as present most prominently in Russia and the Ukraine.

• Avram cannot sleep, and his wife Sarah asks him what is bothering him. Avram tells her that he owes his neighbour Moishe twenty roubles, but that he does not have any money left and does not know what to do. Sarah bangs on the wall and shouts over to their neighbours: "Moishe! My Avram still owes you twenty roubles? Well he isn't going to give them back!" Turning to her husband she says: "Sleep, Avram! Let Moishe not sleep!"

Russians are a stereotype in Russian jokes themselves when set next to other stereotyped ethnicities. Thus, the Russian appearing in a triple joke with two other Westerners, like a German, French, American or Englishman, will provide for a self-ironic punch line depicting him as simple-minded and negligently careless but physically robust, which ensures he retains the upper hand over his naive Western counterparts.

• A French, a German, and a Russian go on a safari and are trapped by cannibals. They are brought to the chief, who says so: "We shall eat you right now. But I am a civilized man, I studied human rights at the Moscow's Patrice Lumumba University, so I grant each of you a last wish." The German asks for a mug of beer and a bratwurst. The French asks for three girls. Both of them get theirs and enjoy it. The Russian asks: "Hit me hard, right on my nose." The chief is surprised, but hits him. The Russian pulls out a Kalashnikov and shoots all the cannibals. When the stunned German asks him why he didn't do this earlier, the Russian proudly replies: "Russians are not aggressors!".

Also when set against own minorities, Russians make fun of themselves.

• A boy asks his father: "Dad, are we Russians or Jews?" "Why are you asking?" "A kid downstairs offers his bike for sale, and I wonder — should I bargain and then buy it, or steal it and break it?"

• A Chukcha sits on the shore of the Bering Strait. An American submarine emerges. The American captain opens the hatch and asks: "Where did the Soviet submarine go?" The Chukcha replies: "North by North-West bearing 149.5 degrees" "Thanks!" says the American, and the submarine submerges. Ten minutes later a Soviet submarine emerges. The Russian captain opens the hatch and asks the Chukcha: "Where did the American submarine go?" The Chukcha replies: "North by North-West bearing 149.5 degrees" "Stop pulling my leg," says the Russian. "Just point with your finger!"

Political jokes

Every nation is fond of this category, but in the Soviet Union telling political jokes was a thrill similar to that of alpinism: according to Article 58 (RSFSR Penal Code) "anti-Soviet propaganda" was a capital offense.

• An advisor asks Party Chairman Leonid Brezhnev: "Leonid Ilyich, I've heard you are a great fan and collector of political anecdotes? How many do you have already?" — "Twelve labor camps!"

Communism

According to Marxist-Leninist theory, communism in the strict sense is the final stage of a society's evolution after passing the stage of socialism. The Soviet Union thus was a socialist country trying to build communism, the utopian classless society.

• A foreigner asks a Russian: "Is this already communism you have here, or is it still going to get worse?" The Russian looks around: "How can it get any worse?"

• "Is it true that in communism we will be able to order our food via the telephone?" - "Yes, and we will get it delivered via the television."

• The six paradoxes of communism:

Everyone has a job, but no one actually does any work.

No one actually does any work, but production targets are always reached.

Production targets are always reached, but the shops are always empty.

The shops are always empty, but everyone has all they need.

Everyone has all they need, but no one is happy.

No one is happy, but they always vote the Communists back in.

Political figures

Politicians form no stereotype as such in Russian culture. Instead, historical and contemporary Russian leaders feature their very own and personal characteristics. At the same time, quite a few jokes about them are remakes of jokes about earlier generations of leaders.

• Stalin, Khrushchev and Brezhnev are all travelling together in a railway carriage. Unexpectedly the train stops. Stalin puts his head out of the window and shouts, "Shoot the driver!" But the train doesn't start moving. Khrushchev then shouts, "Rehabilitate the driver!" But it still doesn't move. Brezhnev then says, "Comrades, Comrades, let's draw the curtains, turn on the gramophone and pretend we're moving!"

Lenin

A popular joke set-up is Lenin, leader of the Russian revolution of 1917, interacting with the head of the secret police, Dzerzhinsky in the Smolny Institute, seat of the revolutionary communist government in Petrograd.

• During the famine of the civil war, a delegation of hungry peasants comes to the Smolny and wishes to file a petition. "We have even started eating the grass like horses," says one peasant. "Soon we will start neighing like horses!" "Come on! Don't worry!" says Lenin reassuringly. "We are drinking tea with honey here, and we are not humming, are we?"

Stalin

Jokes about Stalin are of morose, dark humour, Stalin's words told with a heavy Georgian accent.

• "Comrade Stalin! This man is your exact double!" -- "Shoot him!" -- "Maybe we should shave off his moustache?" -- "Good idea!... Shave and then shoot!".

• Stalin reads his report to the Party Congress. Suddenly someone sneezes. "Who sneezed?" (Silence.) "First row! On your feet! Shoot them!" (Ovations.) "Who sneezed?" (Silence.) "Second row! On your feet! Shoot them!" (Long, loud ovations.) "Who sneezed?" (Silence.) ...A pitiful voice: "It was me" (Sobs.) Stalin leans forward: "Bless you, comrade!"

Khrushchev

Jokes about Khrushchev are often related to his attempts to reform the economy, especially to introduce maize (corn). He was even called kukuruznik (maizeman)). Other jokes address crop failures due to mismanagement of the agriculture, his innovations in urban architecture, his confrontation with the US while importing US consumer goods, his promise to build communism in 20 years, or just his baldness, rude talk and womanising ambitions. Unlike other Soviet leaders, in jokes he is always harmless.

• Why was Khrushchev deseated? Because of the Seven "C"s: Cult of Stalin, Communism, China, Cuban Crisis, Corn, and Cuzka's mother (In Russian it is Seven "K"s. To "show somebody Kuzka's mother" is a Russian idiom meaning "to punish". Khrushchev had used this phrase during a speech at the United Nations General Assembly) referring to the Tsar Bomba test over Novaya Zemlya.

• - What did Khrushchev miss to achieve?

- To build a bridge along the Moscow River, to combine bathtub and flush toilet, and to split the Ministry of Transport in two: Ministry of Arrivals and Ministry of Departures.

• "Who is the greatest magician in the Soviet Union?" - "Khrushchev: he sows in Kazakhstan and harvests in Canada.", a reference to the Soviet Union's need to import grain from North America.

Brezhnev

Brezhnev was depicted as a dim-witted, suffering from dementia, with delusion of grandeur.

• Brezhnev keeps addressing Indira Gandhi as "Mrs Thatcher" in a speech, shouting at his advisors "I can see it's Gandhi, in my speech it says Thatcher."
• At the 1980 olympics Brezhnev is starting to read a speech. "O!" -- applause. "O!" -- more applause. "O!" -- yet more applause. "O!" -- an ovation. "O!!" -- the whole audience stands up and applaudes. An aide comes running to the podium and whispers, "Leonid Illyich, those are olympic rings, don't read them!"
• "Leonid Ilyich!..." -- "Come on, no ceremonies among comrades. Call me simply 'Ilyich' ". (Note: "Simply Ilyich" is a cliche about Lenin.)
• "Leonid Ilyich is in surgery." - "Heart again?" - "No, chest expansion surgery: to fit one more Gold Star medal."
• To sum up the Russians' experience with political leaders thus far: Lenin showed how you can rule a country; Stalin showed how you should rule a country; Khrushchev showed that any moron can rule a country; Brezhnev showed that not every moron can rule a country.

Geriatric intermezzo

Party Chairman Leonid Brezhnev died in 1982. His successor, Yuri Andropov, died in 1984. His successor in turn, Konstantin Chernenko, died in 1985. Russians took great interest in watching the new sport at the Kremlin: coffin carriage racing. Rabinovich (see above) said he did not have to buy tickets to the funerals as he had a subscription to these events.

Gorbachev

Gorbachev was occasionally made fun of for his poor grammar, but perestroika-era jokes usually addressed actual absurd domestic policy measures as well as Soviet-American relations.

• Gorbachev and Reagan decide to exchange secretaries as a trust-building measure. After two weeks the American secretary writes back home, complaining that the Soviets make her wear longer and longer skirts, covering her female charms. Her Soviet counterpart in turn complains that the Americans insist on shorter and shorter skirts: "Soon they will see my balls and the holster." ( Actually, this is a remake of a joke about vicious Fantomas and dumb but inventive police inspector Juve from a French TV series once popular in the Soviet Union. )

The Yeltsin-era saw the revival of some old Brezhnev jokes, but again the focus was put on actual policies.

Political jokes under Vladimir Putin are also rather issue-based than personality-based.

KGB

Telling jokes about KGB was like pulling the tail of a tiger, but...

• A hotel. A room for four; four strangers. Three of them soon open a bottle of vodka, get acquainted, drunk, and noisy: singing, telling jokes. The fourth one tries to get some sleep, finally, frustrated, he comes out and asks a maid to bring tea in #67 in 10 minutes. Then he comes back, in 5 minutes comes to a power outlet and says into it: "Comrade Major, tea to #67, please." In 5 minutes, a knock at the door, tea comes, the room is dead silent.

Next morning this guy wakes up, alone in the room. Surprised, he asks the maid where the neighbors are. -- "They've already... checked out", she answers. "And by the way, Comrade Major was rolling on the floor off your joke with the tea."

Everyday Soviet life

• What is the relationship between the ruble, the pound, and the dollar? — A pound of rubles costs a dollar.
• What is more useful — a Russian newspaper or a Russian television broadcast? — A newspaper, of course... you can use it to wrap herring.
• A man walks into a store: "You don't have any meat, do you?" "No, we don't have any fish. The store next door doesn't have any meat."

A great share of Soviet-era political humour, particularly from the post-war period, are reliant upon puns.

• Khrushchev-era pre-fab apartment buildings merged the toilet and the bathroom into one room, in contrast to pre-revolutionary urban architecture where the W.C. and the bathroom were separated. Russians called the new combined bathrooms "govanna," which sounds like "Gavanna," the Russian pronunciation of the Cuban capital of Havana, but which is in fact a merger of the words "govno" ("shit") and "vanna" ("bath tub").

• The noun form (genitive plural) used to indicate five or more of something is the most complicated and unpredictable form of the Russian noun, and nobody knows off the top of their head what the correct form is for certain words, such as kocherga (fireplace poker). The joke is set in a Soviet factory. Five pokers are to be requisitioned. The correct forms are acquired, but as they are being filled in, debate arises: what is the genitive plural of kocherga? Some say kochereg, others kocherieg, others kochergev, still others, even stranger things. One thing is clear: to send in a form with the wrong genitive plural of kocherga would spell doom. What to do? Finally, an old caretaker overhears the commotion, and tells them to send in two requisitions: one for two kochergi and another for three kochergi.

Questions and answers on the fictitious "Armenian Radio" or "Radio Yerevan" are known even outside Russia.

• Question: "What happens if communism is introduced in the Sahara desert?"
  Answer: "Nothing, but soon they will have to figure out how to solve the sand shortage."

(Language note: Russian word for 'sand' can also mean 'granulated sugar', as opposed to 'lump sugar'. 'Sugar shortages' happened in last years of Soviet Union. So it's a kind of a languge joke.)

Satirical verses and parodies made fun of official Soviet propaganda slogans.

• "Lenin is dead, but his cause lives on!"

Rabinovich notes: "I would prefer it the other way round."

What a coincidence: "Brezhnev is dead, but his body lives on."

• Lenin coined a slogan on how to achieve the state of communism through rule by the Communist Party and modernisation of the Russian industry and agriculture: "Communism is Soviet government plus electrification!" The slogan was subject to popular mathematical scrutiny: "Consequently, Soviet government is communism minus electrification, and electrification is communism minus Soviet government."

• "The winter is over, the summer begins, thanks to the Party."

• A man is showing his friends his new apartment. One of them asks: "How come you don't have any clocks?" The man responds: "But I do have one. I have a talking clock." — "But where?". He takes a hammer and strikes a wall. From behind the wall comes a yell: "It's 2AM, you bastard!"

Some jokes ridiculed the level of political indoctrination in the Soviet Union:

• "My wife has been going to cooking school for three years."

"She must really cook well by now!"

"No, they've only reached the part about the Great October Socialist Revolution so far."

Others poked fun at the time it could take for consumer goods in the Soviet Union to be delivered:

• "Dad, can I have the car keys?"

"Ok, but don't lose them. We get the car in just seven years!"

Some jokes refer to realia long forgotten. Survived, they are still funny, but may look strange.

• Q: Will there be KGB in communism?

A: No. People will know how to self-arrest themselves.

(The original version was about Cheka)

To fully appreciate this joke, a person must know that during the Cheka times, in addition to standard taxation of peasants, they were often forced to do "samooblozhenie" ("self-taxation"): after delivering a regular amount of agricultural products, prosperous peasants, especially those declared to be kulaks were expected to "voluntarily" deliver the same amount again; sometimes even "double samooblozhenie" was applied.

Religion

A notable distinction of the Soviet humor is virtual lack of jokes on religious topics. Clearly, this is not because Russians are so pious. Those few are told in supposedly Church Slavonic language: archaic words are used and unstressed "o" is clearly pronounced as "o" (in modern Russian "Muscovite" speech it is reduced to "a") and rare names of distinctively Greek origin are used. Priests are supposed to speak in basso profondo.

• At the lesson of Holy Word: "Disciple Dormidontiy, pray tell me, if the soul is separable from the body or not." -- "Separable, Father." -- "Verily speaketh. Substantiate." -- "That morning, Father, I was passing by your cell and overheard your voice voicing: (imitates bass)"...And now, my soul, rise and dress up" -- "Substantiateth... But in vulgar."
• A lass in a miniskirt jumps into a bus, the bus starts abruptly, she falls on the lap of a priest, jumps up, surprised, looks down and says: "Oho!" - "It's not an oho, my daughter, but the key from the Cathedral of Christ the Saviour!"

Absurdity

A class of jokes relies on the uncategorizable absurdity of human life:

• Anguish: House in the middle of an empty steppe. A man walks out, yells at the top of his voice: "Fuck you-u-u-u!". Waits for the echo: "you-u-u...". Satisfied, he goes back in.

• A man is driving along the highway. His rear axle falls off. "No problem," he thinks, "If I concentrate hard enough, there'll be someone with a rear axle for me after the next curve." Drives around the curve. — No one. "Obviously I didn't concentrate hard enough. NEXT CURVE!". — Drives around the next curve. A guy is standing there. The driver stops. "Well?" — "Leave me alone, will you? I don't have your rear axle!!"

• Q: What is a Siberian toilet? A. Two poles. One to beat the wolves off, and one to hang your clothes.

Black humour

• An old woman stands in the market with a sign "Chernobyl tomatoes." A man goes up to her and asks, "Hey, what are you doing? Who's going to buy Chernobyl tomatoes?" And she tells him, "Why, lots of people. Some for their boss, others for their mother-in-law..."

Other forms of humour

Apart from jokes, Russian humour is expressed in plays on words and short poems including black humour verses. Drinking toasts can take the form of anecdotes or not-so-short stories, concluded with "So here's to..." with a witty punchline referring to the initial story.

A specific form of humor is chastushkas, songs composed of four-line rhymes, usually of lewd, humoristic, or satiric content.

External links

• 1001 Soviet political anecdotes (in Russian) at Wikisource
• anekdot.ru, the most popular Russian humor website (in Russian)