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I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue

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File:ISIHAC.jpg
Cover for, "I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue Collection 1 (Volumes 1-3)". From left-to-right, Graeme Garden, Barry Cryer, Humphrey Lyttelton, Tim Brooke-Taylor and Willie Rushton.

I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue, sometimes abbreviated to ISIHAC, or simply Clue, is a BBC radio comedy which has run since April 11, 1972. Since then, the programme has had several series each year, being broadcast on BBC Radio 4, BBC7 and the BBC's World Service. The show, introduced as "the antidote to panel games", consists of a panel of four comedians, split into two teams and "given silly things to do" by a chairman.

The show was conceived as a parody of the then-ubiquitous radio panel game, and includes elements that satirise such shows, both on radio and television.

History

I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue developed from the long running radio sketch show I'm Sorry I'll Read That Again. The writers of this show — John Cleese, Jo Kendall, David Hatch, Bill Oddie, Tim Brooke-Taylor and especially Graeme Garden — found that writing a radio series was a lot of work for little reward, and so happened upon the idea of an unscripted show.[1] It was decided that this would take the form of a parody panel game with Garden, Brooke-Taylor, Oddie and Kendall as the panelists, with occasional appearances from others. Humphrey Lyttelton, previously well known as a jazz trumpeter, was selected as the host because the others felt that the role played by improvisation would make the new show the comedy equivalent of jazz. [2]

The pilot episode opened with Graeme Garden and Jo Kendall singing the words of "Three Blind Mice" to tune of "Old Man River" followed by Bill Oddie and Tim Brooke-Taylor singing the lyrics of "Sing a Song of Sixpence" to the tune of "These Foolish Things". Dave Lee was at the piano and a number of rounds were introduced by a short phrase of music. Other rounds featured included "dialogue read in a specific accent" and "songs sung as animals".[3]

Some early episodes of the series, including the first episode, were routinely wiped in the late 1970s. Following the BBC's Treasure Hunt appeal for missing material, several episodes were returned in the form of off-air recordings made by listeners.

In the early years Lyttelton alternated in the role of Chairman with Barry Cryer, but from the second series he took the position full time, with Cryer replacing Jo Kendall on the panel.[4] In 1974, Bill Oddie was replaced by Willie Rushton but the lineup remained fairly stable from this point until Rushton's death in 1996. Since then, the fourth seat on the panel has not been filled permanently but instead has featured a variety of comedians.[5]

Over this time the show has built up a large and devoted following, with over 2 million listeners on Radio 4 and filling out 1500-seat theatres within a week[6]: at least one recording for the spring 2006 series filled seats within three hours of the tickets going on sale. Although there are twelve ISIHAC shows broadcast per year (six each in the spring and autumn), these are the result of just six recording events, with two programmes being made at each venue — therefore allowing only three opportunities per series to witness the team 'live in performance'. The show was recently voted the second funniest radio programme ever, behind The Goon Show. It also has a large following among professional comedians such as Armando Iannucci, who turned down opportunities to work on it, preferring to remain a listener.[7] Jack Dee, on the special I'm Sorry I Haven't a Desert Island, explained that he did not want to appear on Clue, as he felt his voice would spoil it. Since then, he has appeared as a panellist.

Occasionally the show has broadcast special editions, including:

  • Everyman's Guide to Mornington Crescent (19th June 1986) (Series 12)
  • I'm Sorry I Haven't a Desert Island: Celebrity Selections (11th January 1999) (Series 32)
  • 30th Anniversary Special (13th April 2002) (Series 38)
  • I'm Sorry I Haven't A Christmas Carol (25th December 2003) (Series 42, hour-long comedy drama special)
  • In Search of Mornington Crescent (24 December 2005)

Participants

Chairman

The chairman (except for a few episodes in the first series) is Humphrey Lyttelton, generally referred to as "Humph" and regarded as a national treasure. He reads the script introducing the programme and segments in an utterly deadpan manner. He claims the secret is just to read what is in front of him without understanding why it is funny. He adopts the grumpy persona of someone who would really rather be somewhere else, which he attributes to worrying that, surrounded by four professional comedians, he would have nothing worthwhile to chip in. He does occasionally depart from the script, however, often bringing the house down with an ad-lib.[8] He is credited by the regular panelists as being the chief reason for the show's longevity.[9]

Panellists

The regular panellists for much of the show's history were:

  • Graeme Garden was a member of the I'm Sorry I'll Read That Again team that the programme grew out of and has been a panellist since its first episode. Lyttelton describes him as being very dry, biding his time before stepping in with a perfect punchline.[10]
  • Barry Cryer hosted three episodes in the show's first series before moving into a permanent seat on the panel. He is credited by the chairman as being the show's "bricks and mortar", providing quickfire one-liners in any situation.[11] There is a running joke in the programme that he is a dirty old man with a drink problem.[12]
  • Tim Brooke-Taylor was also part of the I'm Sorry I'll Read That Again team and has also been with the show since the start. He is very popular with the crowd and adopts a vulnerable persona.[13] Graeme and Tim have previously worked together on television in The Goodies, and Tim in particular will occasionally drop references to that show into some of the games, eliciting cheers from the audience.
  • Willie Rushton was one of the regular panel members from 1974 until his death in 1996. The other panellists have fond memories of his off the wall sense of humour and quick-fire puns.[14]

Guest panellists have appeared on the show when one of the regulars was unavailable and also replacing Willie Rushton after his death in 1996. These and others before have included:

Musical accompaniment

Colin Sell usually provides musical accompaniment to some of the games. He is often the butt of jokes making fun of his piano-playing, which he takes in good part - he is unable to respond, as he has bitterly pointed out, due to the fact that he does not have his own microphone. [16] For example:

"When music experts hear Colin's compositions, they say he could have been another Berlin, Porter, or anybody else employed by the German State Railway."[17]

or

"We've just heard some great news — I'm very pleased to announce that the BBC have arranged a special collection of Colin's entire work... they've bagged it up and the council are sending some men round for it on Tuesday." [18]

Guest pianist, when Colin Sell has been double-booked and the ISIHAC team have "won the coin toss", has been former Bonzo Dog Doo-Dah Band member and Monty Python collaborator, Neil Innes, or occasionally Denis King or Matthew Scott. Humph's band have also appeared on a special occasion.[19] On one occasion, when Innes was guesting, Humphrey outlined the musician's career, before concluding that this "has brought him to where he is today. Standing in for Colin Sell." Innes then played the funeral march.

Early episodes featured Dave Lee on piano.

Commentary

Raymond Baxter has occasionally been drafted to commentate on sessions of Mornington Crescent.[20]

Scorers

Since May 18, 1985, there has been a scorer "whose job is eased by the fact no points are actually awarded". This scorer is a fictional character who only exists to parody other panel games (such as Just a Minute) which employ scorers. This role is usually filled by "the lovely Samantha" — perhaps a reference to Samantha Fox, who was a famous Page Three girl at the time. She likes to sit, apparently, on Humph's left hand. When Samantha has been "unavailable" her role has been filled by the Swedish stand-in scorer, Sven, or occasionally another substitute, Monica.[21] In one episode in November 1991, both Samantha and Sven were present, but they were occupied with each other during the performance and were thus unable to award any points.

At the start of the programme and when introducing appropriate rounds Humph will tell the listeners what Samantha has recently been doing. These comments have made the show notable for including far more and far ruder innuendo and double entendre than the BBC would ever broadcast on television in a similar early evening timeslot, although the show's standard response to this is that any humour exists solely in the listener's mind. Early in Samantha's career on ISIHAC, a letter appeared in the Radio Times protesting at her sexist and humiliating treatment on the programme.

For example:

"She's looking forward to going out for an ice cream with her Italian gentleman friend. She says she's looking forward to licking the nuts off a large Neapolitan."

Another shows the extent to which the BBC allows these observations of Samantha's activities:

"In her spare time, Samantha likes nothing more than to peruse old record shops. She particularly enjoys a rewarding poke in the country section."

In a programme from 1997, Humph says the following: "It's just occurred to me that Samantha hasn't given us the score...since 1981."

Correspondents

A regular feature on the programme, always preceding the game Mornington Crescent is the fictional letters section, always containing one letter. This usually begins with Humph sarcastically hyping the number of letters (for example, "I notice from the sheer weight of this week's postbag, we've received a little over no letters"). The letter each week is from a "Mrs Trellis of North Wales", an idiosyncratic and prolific correspondent to the chairman. Her incoherent letters usually involve her mistaking Humph for another Radio 4 presenter or media personality, and are read out to much amusement.

"A Mrs Trellis of North Wales has written in to complain that the show has "an enormous fistful of rampant innuendo rammed into every crack", but only a truly filthy-minded person would think such a thing."

"Dear Mr Titchmarsh: This morning I went out to dig up some dandelions and a giant hogweed on my lawn. The filthy beast! Yours faithfully, Mrs Trellis."

"Dear Mr Melly: Here's a great tip for removing any annoying little hairs that collect in the bath plughole: tempt them up with a carrot and pull them out by their long floppy ears."

Humour

Many of the games are inherently humorous and even those theoretically capable of being taken seriously are played for laughs. I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue's humour is mostly derived from wordplay of one kind or another[22] such as puns or mocking other styles of speech. For example, in a round based on suggesting television programmes from biblical times, 'They Think It's All Jehovah', 'I Love Lucifer' and 'The Exodus Files' were all suggested.

Most of the humour is detached from the real world. Steve Punt cites it as one of his favourite radio shows because "there's no points being made or targets being attacked."[23] Contemporary references are occasionally made by participants but these are usually asides, not related to the thrust of the game. The show does occasionally comment on the outside world, though this is done from an innocent perspective. For example, the game "Complete George Bush Quotes" was once played, in which the teams had to supply the endings to phrases that George Bush had begun. This was mocking the American president's frequent verbal slips (see Bushism) rather than any aspects of his policy.

A frequent source of humour is the supposed presence of something, or someone, which is visually impressive but makes no sound, and therefore cannot be properly appreciated by the radio audience. For example, the regular scorer is "the lovely Samantha" (who never speaks a word), and the team have trialled many "advanced laser scoreboards" over recent decades. In fact these things are of course fictional — the "laser display screen" (sometimes described in more elaborate terms), used in rounds in which one team or both mustn't see what the audience sees, most frequently "Sound Charades" (see below), is in fact the producer running on to the stage holding a large card with the words written on it (conveyed to listeners at home by the "'mystery voice"). This explains the joke employed on many occasions of the display screen's being "so generously funded by our hosts"). The studio audience invariably plays along with the joke by providing gasps of wonder, applause, wolf-whistles, etc., at the appropriate moment.

Possibly the most well-developed instance of this form-versus-content humour was an occasion when Humph announced that they had a very distinguished actor as a guest, and he would be joining in the game of Mornington Crescent. The panellists first played a normal game, ostensibly to give the guest a chance to acclimatise. With much gravitas the guest then approached the panel's table, taking his place such that he would be the last to make his first move. When the game started, the penultimate player, the last of the panellists, won on his first move, thus denying the distinguished guest the opportunity to make even a single move in the game. The chairman apologised, but explained that that was an unavoidable possibility in the game, and the guest gracefully left, without having ever uttered a word. The show was inundated with complaints at the treatment of Alec Guinness, despite the fact that the "distinguished actor" had never actually been named on the show.

Musical games are also often played. These games are inherently silly and the results often amusingly awful. They often involve juxtaposing two elements of music that are normally kept apart such as singing "One Song to the Tune of Another" or playing a song using only a swanee whistle and a kazoo. The idea that none of the participants can really sing (and, in the case of Jeremy Hardy and Stephen Fry, they really can't sing) is played for laughs, as is the (alleged) inability of the show's pianist, Colin Sell.

Self-deprecation forms a big part of the show's humour. The show frequently pokes fun at itself and its supposed low quality. For example, Humph was heard to exclaim at the end of a round, "Nietzsche said that life was a choice between suffering and boredom. He never said anything about having to put up with both at the same time", or "I'm often prone to bouts of misplaced optimism. This round's going to be a hum-dinger!" Also, the introduction to a round based on Give Us a Clue went "Our spoken version differs in just two ways from the silent and hilarious original".

Parodies of other similar shows are also executed. "Celebrity What's My Line?" completely destroyed the intent of the original — for players to guess the occupation of a third party by asking yes/no questions. The I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue version employed the famous actress (and fan of the show) Judi Dench in this role. She began by performing a mime illustrating her occupation, giving a cryptic clue to the panel (appearing to a radio listener as a short silence punctuated by exclamations from the panel and laughter from the studio audience) before fielding apparently serious questions from the teams, who pretended not to know who she was. Apart from the silliness of pretending that a celebrity's occupation is unknown, humour comes from the bizarre lines of questioning from the panel (e.g., "Is that your own hair?"). Also at the close of the show Humph once asked the teams to read the cuttings they'd brought along with them, in the manner of fellow Radio 4 host Simon Hoggart on The News Quiz. The teams proceeded to read their cuttings, but only to themselves. Hence followed some interested murmurs from the teams and much laughter from the audience. This is a good example of double-meanings being used in the 'Clue comedy style.

After over thirty years on the air, one of the most important aspects of the show is its huge stock of running gags, that, if not always funny in themselves, can elicit huge anticipatory laughter from the studio audience.

Format

The show roughly follows a standard panel game format: the chairman introduces the show by providing a little background material on the area in which the show is being recorded which is interspersed with jokes based upon it. For example:

"Nottingham is a fine city with a fascinating history. It's well documented in official records that the city's original name was 'Snottingham', or 'Home of Snots', but when the Normans came, they couldn't pronounce the letter 'S', so decreed the town be called 'Nottingham' or the 'Home of Notts'. It's easy to understand why this change was resisted so fiercely by the people of Scunthorpe."

After this a series of nominally competitive rounds are introduced. In some games the panellists play as individuals, while for others they are grouped into two teams of two players. Most of the games involve interaction between the players, but the team games tend to consist of separate efforts. Although many of the games appear to end with a winner, the show is not, in fact, the least bit competitive. No score is kept and no winner is announced. Several games lack even the appearance of competitiveness.

The rounds are introduced by the chairman. Usually he rambles for a few sentences, apparently fairly aimlessly, before finishing on a double entendre set up by the preceding story. Each regular game has its own introduction. For example, 'One Song to the Tune of Another' is always introduced using a complex allegory to allow the listener to better understand the concepts involved.

The show draws to a close with Lyttelton imparting some final words of wisdom intended to evoke time, fate and eternity, undercut with silliness. For example:

"...And so, as the guardsman of time strokes the bearskin of eternity, and the sergeant major of fate orders him back to the barracks to put some clothes on..."

Recent Broadcast List

  • 22 May-26 June [6 episodes]

Archive Broadcast List

  • 1st Series (1972) - 11 April-4 July [13 episodes]
  • 2nd Series (1973) - 30 April-23 July [13 episodes]
  • 3rd Series (1974) - 28 August-2 October [6 episodes]
  • 4th Series (1975) - 29 July-16 September [8 episodes]
  • 5th Series (1976) - 6 March-10 April [6 episodes]
  • 6th Series (1978) - 22 August-24 October [10 episodes]
  • 7th Series (1979) - 16 July-17 September [10 episodes]
  • Christmas Special (1979) - 24 December
  • Christmas Special (1980) - 24 December
  • 8th Series (1981) - 22 August-24 October [10 episodes]
  • Christmas Special (1981) - 24 December
  • 9th Series (1982) - 20 March-27 March [2 episodes], 10 April-22 May [8 episodes]
  • 10th Series (1983) - 26 February-30 April [10 episodes]
  • 11th Series (1984) - 7 April-9 June [10 episodes]
  • 12th Series (1985) - 4 May-6 July [10 episodes]
  • 13th Series (1986) - 26 July-27 September [10 episodes]
  • Christmas Special (1986) - 25 December
  • 14th Series (1987) - 17 August-19 October [10 episodes]
  • 15th Series (1989) - 7 January-11 March [10 episodes]
  • 16th Series (Spring 1990) - 5 February-12 March [6 episodes]
  • 17th Series (Fall 1990) - 17 November-29 December [7 episodes]
  • 18th Series (Summer 1991) - 22 June-27 July [6 episodes]]
  • 19th Series (Fall 1991) - 19 October-7 December [8 episodes]
  • 20th Series (Summer 1992) - 23 May-27 June [6 episodes]
  • 21st Series (Fall 1992) - 14 November-19 December [6 episodes], 26 December [Compilation]
  • 22nd Series (1993) - 6 November-11 December [6 episodes]
  • Christmas Special (1993) - 25 December
  • 23rd Series (Summer 1994) - 28 May-2 July [6 episodes]
  • 24th Series (Fall 1994) - 5 November-10 December [6 episodes]
  • 25th Series (Summer 1995) - 27 May-1 July [6 episodes]
  • 26th Series (Fall 1995) - 11 November-16 December [6 episodes]
  • Christmas Special (1995) - 25 December
  • 27th Series (Summer 1996) - 1 June-6 July [6 episodes]
  • 28th Series (Fall 1996) - 9 November-14 December [6 episodes]
  • 29th Series (Summer 1997) - 6 June-12 July [6 episodes]
  • 30th Series (Fall 1997) - 8 November-6 December [6 episodes], 25 December [Compilation]
  • Compilations (1998) - 6 April-20 April [3 episodes]
  • 31st Series (Summer 1998) - 27 April-1 June [6 episodes]
  • 32nd Series (Fall 1998) - 30 November-4 January 1999 [6 episodes]
  • Christmas Special (1998) - 25 December
  • Special (1999) - 11 January [I'm Sorry I Haven't A Desert Island]
  • 33rd Series (Summer 1999) - 24 May-28 June [6 episodes]
  • 34th Series (Fall 1999) - 8 November-13 December [6 episodes]
  • Christmas Special (1999) - 25 December
  • 35th Series (Summer 2000) - 22 May-26 June [6 episodes]
  • 36th Series (Fall 2000) - 13 November-18 December [6 episodes]
  • 37th Series (Summer 2001) - 28 May-2 July [6 episodes]
  • 38th Series (Fall 2001) - 12 November-17 December [6 episodes]
  • Christmas Special (2001) - 24 December
  • Special (2002) - 13 April [30th Aniversity Special]
  • 39th Series (Summer 2002) - 20 May-24 June [6 episodes]
  • 40th Series (Fall 2002) - 18 November-23 December [6 episodes]
  • 41st Series (Summer 2003) - 26 May-30 June [6 episodes]
  • 42nd Series (Fall 2003) - 17 November-22 December [6 episodes], 22 December [Compilation], 25 December [I'm Sorry I Haven't A Christmas Carol]


Games

Many different games are played on I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue. These are some of the more frequently played ones, though there are dozens more that are played less often and some that have only been played once either because the joke only works once or because the result was not particularly successful.

The Bad Tempered Clavier

Panellists attempt to sing a song perfectly in tune while Colin Sell played wrong notes, changed key and changed tempo. The name is a play on the Well-Tempered Clavier.

Blues

Each team has to improvise a blues song on a topic given by by the other team, such as the "Trichologist's blues" or the "Kerry Packer blues". The songs invariably started with "I woke up this morning".

A variation was to improvise a calypso. The songs invariable started with "I [something relating the the topic] the other day".

Call My Bluff

A variation on the TV series Call My Bluff in which panellists all invent bluff definitions of words. The winner was the "most convincing and least embarassing".

Censored Song

The panellists, in teams of two, are given a song to sing, and are invited to bowdlerise it by replacing objectionable words with the use of a buzzer. In fact they are given perfectly innocuous songs, and the objective is to make the song as suggestive as possible by the strategic censoring of innocent words. For example, "I Whistle a Happy Tune", which ran, "Whenever I feel a[buzz] / I hold my [buzz] erect / And whistle a happy tune / so no one will suspect I'm a[buzz]".

This was perhaps taken to its extreme in Barry and Graeme's rendition of "My Favourite Things", which ran, "[buzz-buzz] and [buzz-buzz] and [buzz-buzz] and [buzz-buzz], / [buzz-buzz] and [buzz-buzz] and [buzz-buzz] and [buzz-buzz], / [buzz-buzz] and [buzz-buzz], all tied up with strings: / these are a few of my favourite things.".

Another favourite was "Walking in the Air" from The Snowman, which gave rise to many instances of "I'm [buzz]king...".

Cheddar Gorge

Main article: Cheddar Gorge (game)

The panellists take turns to say a word each, the ostensible object being to avoid completing a sentence: whoever does so is eliminated. In practice, many potential sentence endings are forgiven, and the purpose is to construct as bizarre a monologue as possible.

Double Feature

This round takes as its premise the poverty of the international film industry, for economic reasons new films are being remade as combinations of two or more old films. For example, remaking High Noon with E.T. and calling it High Tea. The game frequently strayed into television, a notable example being Tim saying the makers of Three of a Kind, The Odd Couple and One Man and His Dog provide the audience for Channel 4.

Common variations on the game include merging two or more television shows, plays or novels. Another variation was to make cuts to films, novels, plays or television shows to reflect economic conditions, e.g., One Foot in the Grave becomes One Inch in the Grave and Lady Chatterley's Lover becomes Lady Chatterley's Penpal. In later shows the literary variation was announced as "Wuthering Hillocks".

Good News, Bad News

One panellist gives a piece of good news, another gives a corresponding piece of bad news, then the next gives good news and so on. For example: "Good news, the Russians are putting a Briton into space", "Bad news, it's not Jeffrey Archer", "The good news is that it is Robert Maxwell", "Bad news, he's going to nobble the Sky satellite", "Good news, he'll succeed".

Historical Headlines

The chairman identifies an historical event, such as the assassination of Julius Caesar, and invites the panellists to suggest the headlines that would be used by modern newspapers reporting on the event. Panellists make their suggestions in no particular order, leading to a fluid style of play.

This game works well because of the United Kingdom's remarkable profusion of newspapers, representing many styles and viewpoints. The round uses caricatures, and often stereotypes, of the papers' views, such as the Daily Mail's obsession with house prices, the Daily Express and its obsession with asylum seekers, The Guardian's reputation for bad spelling, The Sport's regular reporting of sightings of Elvis, and the Evening Standard's single-minded concentration on London-centric news, often concerning a tube strike.

Other local newspapers can be used to give a parochial slant on an item. In the case of the death of Julius Caesar, the Lancashire Evening Post's headline (enunciated in lugubrious northern tones) was, "Mark Antony comes to Bury."

Last Episode

The object was to "put the last nail in the coffin of a long running radio or television show and close the series in one line". For example, Willie concluded Thunderbirds with "Brains says it's terminal Dutch elm disease" and Tim concluded The Two Ronnies with "It's goodnight from me, and it's goodnight from her".

Late Arrivals (at a society ball)

The closing round is often "Late Arrivals at the such-and-such Ball" which descends directly from frequent incidental dialogue included in the earlier, scripted BBC Radio 4 series I'm Sorry, I'll Read That Again. Late arrivals at the Drunkard's Ball could for example include Mr. and Mrs. Large-Whisky and their son Oliver (a pun on "I'll have a large whisky"). The Politician's Ball famously gave rise to: "Announcing the late arrival of... the Marquis de Sade and the party whips". One running joke (usually by Graeme Garden) is the appearance of Mr. and Mrs. Bennett- (Long phrase of exclamation relevant to the subject) and their son Gordon, the joke being that this is an easy cop-out (e.g., at the Builders' Ball, Mr. and Mrs. Bennett-That's-Twice-The-Estimate...) which plays on the once-popular exclamation of surprise "Gordon Bennett". After the chairman has identified the ball, the panellists announce the late arrivals, in no particular order.

Play is fast and fluid, often to the point that the chairman cannot end the show without shouting over the teams. One favourite from a very early show featured Humph butting-in with

"Ladies and Gentlemen, kindly SHUT UP for Mr and Mrs N-why-I-must-interrupt-is-that-we've-overstepped-the-bounds-of-decency-and-also-reached-the-end-of-the-series, and their Daughter - Teresa-N-why-I-Must-interrupt-is-because...."

Limericks

In this game, which has not been played on the programme for several years, the chairman supplies the first line of a limerick, and the four panellists each improvise a line in turn to complete it. Usually four rounds are played, rotating the panellists so that they each get a turn supplying each possible line.

This is the most serious of the games, in the sense that its ostensible object (to create a funny poem on the spot) is precisely the actual object for which the panellists are aiming. The game is a test of comedic and improvisational skill, and is difficult to do well. Out of four rounds, the ISIHAC panellists typically produce one or two really good limericks, with the remainder still being creditable. A book containing a collection of the best limericks was published in 1999 as I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue: The Official Limerick Collection.

Mornington Crescent

Main article: Mornington Crescent (game)

This is by far the best-known ISIHAC game. Ostensibly it is an obscure game of extreme complexity, involving the naming of London Underground stations (or, sometimes, other London areas, roads, landmarks etc.) in convoluted patterns not readily discernible by the observer. A summary of the "rules" can be found in the main Mornington Crescent article. It is a very popular game for fans of the show to play themselves. An attempt was once made to play Mornington Crescent in Slough, rather than London. The game came to an abrupt end when Willie Rushton pointed out to Humph that there was no Mornington Crescent in Slough.

One Song to the Tune of Another

Main article: One Song To The Tune Of Another

Panellists sing the lyrics of a song, to the tune of a completely different one. This is the epitome of inherently silly games, though to perform it without preparation can still involve a fair bit of skill. A laugh can be raised purely by Humph's announcement of the two compositions, especially if they are from wildly differing genres: e.g., The Undertones' "Teenage Kicks" to the tune of "Jerusalem". Additional humour derives from Humph's impenetrable attempts to explain how it is played, ultimately ending with a joke at the expense of the regular pianist, Colin Sell.

Opera Time

Panellists turn a bland piece of prose, such as the instructions for a board game or the installation manual for a hot water heater, into grand operatic duets. This often included operatic maniacal laughter between lines.

Paranoia

One team suffers from a delusion but they don't know what it is (the mystery delusion is revealed to the other team and the audience). They ask questions of the other panel to find out the mystery delusion. Examples of delusions include "They think the King's Singers want to kill them" or "They think they are Jason Donovan".

Pick-up Song

The panellists sing along to a well known song. The sound is turned off for a while, and the aim is to be as close as possible ("within a gnat's crotchet" or "a midge's minim") to the original when it's turned on again.

This is the only segment in which points are discussed by Humph, and "Points mean prizes" (this phrase is directly lifted — and is hence a parody of — the British TV game show Play Your Cards Right). Prizes include such luxury items as a device that tells you when your bird is cooked (a speaking duck) or lawn seed to help make your garden look bigger (magnifying grass). Mention is never made as to how many points anyone ever actually scores.

The panel, and in some cases the audience, participate in some of the musical renditions. As none of the panellists can really sing (or, in the case of Jeremy Hardy, really can't sing) the round can have an additional humour value. However, the applause when someone actually comes close to keeping up with the original song is clearly a genuine recognition of achievement. Rob Brydon's ability to mimic Tom Jones and to keep up exactly with his song "Delilah" on the Monday 26 June 2006 programme received one of the loudest and longest ovations in the programme's recent history.

A variation on this game, announced as "Radioke" (a combination of radio and karaoke), was for panellists to read along to a radio recording such as a wartime speech by Winston Churchill or the football results by James Alexander Gordon.

Quote... Misquote (formerly Complete Quotes or Closed Quotes)

In this game the teams are given the beginning of a quotation from a famous person, and must complete it. The answer they come up with is always humorous, and usually a comment on the person quoted (as shown above). For instance, Humph once introduced this round with the famous quote "I have in my hand a piece of paper...", finished with "Will someone pass another roll under the door please?" The game was later named "Quote... Misquote" as a parody of the genuine Radio 4 quotation game Quote... Unquote. Humph will sometimes say that points are deducted for correct answers.

A variation is for players to complete proverbs (e.g., Humph: "A fool and his money are ..."; Graeme: "...welcome at Lloyds" or Humph: "Rome wasn't built in ..."; Willie: "Norway".), local sayings, snatches of poetry, public notices (e.g., at airports or railway stations) or instructions (e.g., on domestic appliances or medicine bottles).

A later variation was for a recording of a famous personality to be played and stopped in mid sentence. Players then completed the sentence. For example, recording of John Major: "I go whenever I can, which isn't as often as I would wish. But really I..."; Graeme: "...can thoroughly recommend Ex-lax".

In one 2006 episode the game was retitled "Incomplete Sentences", and said to be "based on an idea by the Home Secretary".

Singing Relay

A team sings a well known song with each panellist singing alternate words. The winner is the team that best keeps in time with the piano.

Sound Charades

Main article: Sound Charades

In Sound Charades, a team of two panellists is given the title of a book, film, or other artistic work, and they must communicate it to the other team. This is allegedly a variant of charades, in which a single player is given this task. However, whereas in charades the player is not permitted to speak and communicates by mime, in Sound Charades the title is communicated by acting out a very short improvised play. Usually the title to be communicated is a contorted pun on the central object in the play, which has (of course) not been explicitly named but only described indirectly. For example, the film Zulu has been acted out by a whispered question being answered with directions that pass several animal enclosures — the questioner has been given directions to the 'zoo loo'.

The game also provides Humph with the regular opportunity to make fun of Lionel Blair, long-standing team captain on Give Us a Clue, the TV show from which Sound Charades was derived. This usually involves some sort of outrageous innuendo such as "Who wouldn't have been moved to watch the tears of frustration well up in Lionel's eyes at being unable to use his mouth to finish off Two Gentlemen of Verona?". Una Stubbs, another regular captain on Give Us a Clue, is also occasionally mocked in this way, for example when Humph recalled "the occasion on which Una Stubbs, her hands a blur, managed to pull off Three Men in a Boat in under ninety seconds".

Barry Cryer and Graeme Garden usually tell their story as two elderly Scottish gentlemen, Hamish and Dougal. It is in essence a minute-long improvised sketch where each performer knows the other well enough to be able to set up joint jokes seamlessly.

Each sketch is started with the line "You'll have had your tea", with which (un)welcome visitors who have a habit of dropping in at dinnertime are reputed to be greeted with in Edinburgh, Scotland. (In the north of the United Kingdom, the evening meal, typically called dinner in the south, is usually called tea; this can sometimes lead to confusion.) This is done either to deter scroungers or because the person in question is quite tight-fisted himself. A spin-off on BBC Radio Four was entitled You'll Have Had Your Tea, in which the sketches last 15 minutes.

Stars In Their Ears (formerly The Singer and the Song)

Panellists sing a popular song in the style of a famous personality, such as a politician or television presenter. For example, Wannabe in the style of John Prescott or Sisters in the style of The Queen and Princess Margaret.

The game title "Stars In Their Ears", used in later series, is a play on Stars In Their Eyes.

Straight Face

In this game, panellists in turn announce words, and the audience is used to judge whether the word is funny. If the audience laughs, "even the merest titter", then the player who provided the offending word is eliminated. Often, the chairman will ignore words that produce enormous laughs, but will eliminate players whose words produce a barely-audible laugh. The last player remaining wins.

It is possible to predict quite accurately which words will raise a laugh. Arguably this is because some words are inherently funny. Panellists actually take quite daring risks, skating the line between boring and funny words at the risk of elimination. This game can thus be played in a manner that involves considerable comedic skill, not only in judging inherent funniness but also in reading the audience and adjusting the timing and delivery of the word to get the intended effect. It can be viewed as stand-up comedy minus the jokes. One of Humphrey Lyttelton's favourite memories is from this game when "as only he could, Stephen Fry brought the house down with 'moistly'".[24]

Swanee-Kazoo

This is a musical game, and the game yielding by far the most bizarre sounds, thus making excellent radio. It is also inherently silly. As with most of the musical games, the panellists play in teams of two. One player is issued with a swanee whistle, and the other a kazoo. Note that the latter instrument is easy to play well, but the former takes some skill to produce a melody. Using these, they perform a well-known song as a duet.

The humour principally derives from the sound of the instruments. Both have a characteristically absurd timbre, and the juxtaposition of the two is quite incongruous. Furthermore, the swanee whistle is not usually considered a melody instrument, more usually being employed for special effects (such as the voices of The Clangers). Typically, the kazoo player can hold the tune, thus keeping the performance together, while the swanee whistle produces a deranged version, often only hitting the right note by accident.

Possibly the most extensive use of the swanee whistle was the last in the summer 2006 series, where it was used almost exclusively to perform the melody for "Tequila", the kazoo (played by Barry Cryer) being used to supply the "Tequila!"

Themed Film/Book Club

The chairman identifies a special interest group and invites the panellists to suggest films or books that would be of interest to it. The titles suggested are mostly modifications of well-known film/book titles to create a themed pun, thus the builders' book club might feature "Grout Expectations", a pun on Great Expectations. Some of the suggestions are more elaborate, including puns on the author's name or explanations of their topicality. As with the other common final rounds, the suggestions are made in no particular order. For unknown reasons, this game nearly always features a reference to the film Bring Me the Head of Alfredo Garcia (e.g. at the Gardeners' Film Club, "Bring Me the Shed...", or in the Golfer's Film Club, "Bring Me the Wedge..."). This is usually uttered by Graeme Garden. On one occasion, Paul Merton made the reference and, whilst not actually booed, the gasp from the audience suggested he had made a faux pas in usurping Graeme. When Graeme later made his own joke, the applause seemed all the louder. Merton has not repeated the error since.

Other variants of this game include themed songbooks (with song titles) and Radio Times (with radio and television programmes). In the latter, any version of I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue itself is, of course, guaranteed to produce a round of applause.

Uxbridge English Dictionary (formerly New Definitions)

See: daffynitions

The panellists must suggest alternative definitions for existing English words. For example, "lymph" has been redefined as "to walk with a lisp". The game has recently been renamed Uxbridge English Dictionary to tie in with a book of that title collecting the definitions made in the round. The game bears a strong similarity to the entries from the fictional Dictionary for Today that occasionally featured in Beachcomber and Douglas Adams' whimsical dictionary of redefined place-names, The Meaning of Liff.

Word for Word

This is based on word association, an investigative technique in psychology which can be used as a game. In the word association game, players in turn say whatever word comes into their mind first after hearing the previous word. "Word for Word" is a word disassociation game: players may say any word as long as it has no connection whatsoever to the previous word. This is surprisingly difficult to do.

This game produces amazing strings of nonsense. Furthermore, as with the other elimination games, the elimination rule is not strictly followed. Fairly direct links between words are occasionally permitted, but words may be deemed connected based on bizarre and tortuous chains of association. For example, in one episode, a player said "cardigan" and the next "pier". Another then said "Cardigan has a pier" and was corrected: "Cardigan was a peer". One of the next few words was "pullover", and was buzzed because "you can pull over to see Cardigan's pier".

Producers

The show has had a number of producers over the years:

References

  1. ^ BBC: I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue - A History
  2. ^ Chortle.co.uk: Profile
  3. ^ ISIHAC Games: First series
  4. ^ Chortle.co.uk: Profile
  5. ^ ISIHAC.co.uk: People
  6. ^ BBC: I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue - A History
  7. ^ Radio Times 11-17 February 2006, p22, by Andrew Duncan
  8. ^ BBC: Interview with Humphrey Lyttelton
  9. ^ BBC: Interview with Graeme Garden, Tim Brooke-Taylor and Barry Cryer
  10. ^ BBC: Interview with Graeme Garden, Tim Brooke-Taylor and Barry Cryer
  11. ^ BBC: Interview with Graeme Garden, Tim Brooke-Taylor and Barry Cryer
  12. ^ ISIHAC.co.uk: People
  13. ^ BBC:Interview with Graeme Garden, Tim Brooke-Taylor and Barry Cryer
  14. ^ ISIHAC.co.uk: People
  15. ^ ISIHAC.co.uk: People
  16. ^ BBC: Interview with Colin Sell
  17. ^ Greenwich 6 December 1999
  18. ^ Brighton 27 May 1995
  19. ^ ISIHAC.co.uk: People
  20. ^ ISIHAC.co.uk: People
  21. ^ ISIHAC.co.uk: People
  22. ^ BBC:I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue - A History
  23. ^ BBC: Steve Punt: My Radio 4 (via Internet Archive)
  24. ^ BBC: Humphrey Lyttelton
I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue
Tim Brooke-Taylor — Barry Cryer — Graeme Garden — Humphrey Lyttelton — Willie Rushton — Colin Sell
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