Prince Edmund (Blackadder)

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Prince Edmund, "The Black Adder"

Prince Edmund Plantagenet of York (August/ September, 1461 - 1498) (Later King Edmund III of England-for about 30 seconds) was a fictional character in the first series of the popular BBC sit-com The Black Adder. He was apparently the third man of that name to rise to the throne following Edmund I of England (reigned 939 - 946) and Edmund II of England (reigned 1016).

Edmund was born c. 1461 to Gertrude of Flanders, the Witch Queen. Gertrude was married to Richard, Duke of York but was also carrying an affair with Donald McAngus, Third Duke of Argyll. Which of the two men was his father remains uncertain.

Battle of Bosworth Field

There is little record of his life until 21 August, 1485. His first appearance on record seems to have been a feast participation. The feast was held on the Eve of the Battle of Bosworth Field. There King Richard III of England (played by Peter Cook) gathered his supporters for the battle against Henry Tudor. Among those present was the Duke of York accompanied by his sons Harry and Edmund of York.

However when Edmund cheered for the King , the later had to enquire on his identity. His own father reportedly knew not. Edmund had to be identified by his brother. The King was not particularly impressed by his grand-nephew and had to ask the Duke: "You're, er, not putting him anywhere near me, are you?"

After this less than heart-warming reception Edmund turned to speak to his 'friend' Lord Percy, heir to the Duke of Northumberland. They were soon joined by an ex-dung heap employee called Baldrick. With a bit of flattery Baldrick managed to win some favor with the Prince. Edmund immediately chose his new acquaintance as his squire for the morning battle. The battle was of importance to the Prince because : " If we lose, I'll be chopped to pieces. My arms will end up at Essex, my torso in Norfolk, and my genitalia stuck up a tree somewhere in Rutland".

However on 22 August, date of the battle , both Edmund and Baldrick overslept. They rushed to the battle. Edmund on horse; Baldrick on mule. Edmund was at first eager to participate in " The first decent battle since I reached puberty...". But observing the combatants from afar, Edmund came to the shocking realisation that fighting may lead to death. He decided at this moment to remain a spectator. Noticing however that someone was attempting to take his horse , Edmund finally drew his sword and decapitated the stranger.

Edmund was initially surprised and then proud for his first kill. Until he recognized the stranger to be his great-uncle Richard. That night the victorious army swore to the name of their new King Richard IV of England (played by Brian Blessed), the nephew of their deceased leader. Harry and Edmund were promoted to Royal Princes. The accidental murder turned Edmund to the second-in-line heir to the English throne.

The Black Adder

Edmund therefore resolved to become more assertive, giving himself the title The Black Vegetable. Baldrick instead suggested The Black Adder, which Edmund wisely adopted. However, this title would prove largely irrelevant. Few were aware of it and no-one ever really called him that anyway.

A less fortunate consequence of the accidental murder was that Edmund found himself haunted by the ghost of his great-uncle. (In a manner clearly similar to Macbeth haunted by Banquo.) At one point the ghost chased him into a foggy meadow. There Edmund was confronted by three Witches (Goneril , Regan, Cordelia) who predicted that this "Ruler of men, Ravisher of women, Slayer of kings! " shall live to become king. An increasingly ambitious Edmund thus ploclaimed "History, here I come!". However as soon as he left the meadow, the Witches commented that they expected Henry Tudor to look less Jewish. Thus revealing that the prediction was meant for another. (The scene was reminiscent of the introduction of Macbeth, the Witches' names belong to the daughters of King Lear.)

As the second son of the King, the official duties of Edmund included: Duke of Edinburgh; Warden of the Royal Privies; the Laird of Roxburgh, Selkirk, and Peebles; the Great Grumbledook; Duke of Hastings. His nominal titles however came with little actual authority.

Service under a regent

In 1486, the second year of his reign and reportedly "the year in which the egg replaced the worm as the lowest form of currency", King Richard IV departed his Kingdom to join a new Crusade against the Turks (presumably the Ottoman Empire under Beyazid II who reigned 1481 - 1512). Prince Harry was appointed Regent for the duration of his absence. Edmund saw the event as his "chance for some real power".

However the winter of 1486/1487 found Edmund flocking sheep. Harry at least bothered to personally inform him that their father would return by St. Leonard's Day and that there would be a common celebration for both events. Harry would handle the visiting Royals, the guards of honour and the Papal legate of Pope Innocent VIII while Edmund was responsible for organising the festivities and attending to the storm drains. Harry was already looking forward to being entertained by Morris dancers, eunuchs and bearded women. Edmund pretended to be honoured by his appointment but actually felt humiliated and enraged.

Edmund soon found difficulties with his new duties. The only available bearded woman had recently shaved her beard. He was also not particularly impressed when Lord Percy suggested hiring "The Jumping Jews of Jerusalem" whose sole entertainment value was that they jumped. He was though somewhat intrigued to learn of the play The Death of the Pharoah by Sir Dominick Prique and his Thespianic troop. Baldrick suggested the hiring of Jerry Meriwether and His Four Chickens. Their stated entertainment value was that they could lay eggs. Edmund was not impressed but agreed in order to avoid arguing with his advisor.

He was then enraged to find the eunuchs had turned down his offer. He reacted by sending an order for their execution to the Lord Chancellor. (The historical Lord Chancelor of the time was John Alcock). Harry was displeased to learn that there would be no eunuchs in a feast honouring a eunuch Saint. He also informed his brother that the expected to arrive Lord Dougal McAngus, Supreme Commander of the King had a preference for eunuchs. Harry believed this to be due to the great warrior being Scottish.

Edmund soon commented to Lord Percy and Baldrick of his distaste for this Scottish orangutan. He proceeded to state that the Scots were just barbarians since half of them couldn't speak the English language. Nevertheless Edmund stated he would find suitable entertainers. He instructed Baldrick to get a nice dress and perform as a bearded lady. He was not surprised to find Baldrick excited over the idea. He also sent Lord Percy to hire Bernard the Bear Baiter and to make sure that this year he would actualy come with a bear.

First encounter with Lord Dougal McAngus

Lord McAngus soon arrived with recently won Turkish treasures and news from the crusaders. He also transported the regards of his father to the Queen consort. Harry then attempted to introduce Dougal to Edmund. With Dougal mistaking the younger Prince for a eunuch, the two got off to a bad start. When Edmund introduced himself as the Duke of Edinburgh, Lord McAngus complained about the Duke being as Scottish as "as the Queen of England 's tits ".

Harry attempted to defuse the situation by informing McAngus that his heroic efforts in battle have won the favour of the King. His latest correspondence instructed Harry to offer Lord McAngus whatever he desired. Edmund was not pleased to listen to Dougal asking for " fair Selkirk, and the noble shire of Roxburgh". Though commenting that those lands in fact belong to him, Edmund failed to make an impression on either Harry or Dougal. Complaining that these would only leave him with Peebles, only reminded McAngus to ask for Peebles too. At first commenting that: "Well! What an absurd idea, giving away half of Scotland to a kilted maniac for slaughtering a couple of syphilitic Turks!". However a little persuasion at swordpoint by McAngus was enough for Edmund to apparently change his mind.

Soon however, Edmund started scheming to attack McAngus in the Great Hall and to stab him in the urinary bladder. Baldrick politely pointed that attacking on plain sight was bound to cause suspicions. Baldrick suggested a "cunning plan". To get McAngus to stick his own head down a cannon and then blow it off. Edmund instead chose to follow the Scotsman who had gone hunting. Soon enough Edmund was literally caught in the snare of his rival.

Quick at improvising, Edmund offered McAngus the protagonist role in the peformance of the Mystery play The Death of the Scotsman (the above mentioned The Death of the Pharoah with a telling change of title). He would only need to learn "acting dead". Dougal accepted and naturaly Edmund arranged for a stage death for him.

On the night of the fateful performance however, Dougal approached Edmund to discuss with him. He revealed that the Duke of Argyll and the Queen were former lovers. He also claimed to have letters proving the affair and disputing the patronage of Harry. Seeing his one chance of removing Harry from the line of succession, Edmund prevented the assassination.

Claiming the throne

Later, Edmund had the chance to examine the letters himsef. They were dated 1460, year of birth for his brother. McAngus even suggested to Edmund that: "if you played your cards right, you could become King ". And sooner than he thought. He claimed Richard IV was last seen entering Constantinople alone, armed with a fruit knife and facing 10,000 Turks armed with scimitars.

Soon enough an excited Edmund was revealing the letters and their content to the members of the Royal court, claiming Harry to be illegitimate and the King deceased. Lord Percy was the first to shout "The King is dead! Long live the King! ". Edmund was living his greatest triumph. But at that moment Richard IV chooses to return, claiming to have made it "thanks to my trusty fruit knife!".

Edmund was surprised but did try to point the letters to his father. The letters however dated from November-December, 1460. When Harry was already born. A smiling McAngus then pointed that this came about nine months before the birth of Edmund. Edmund was quick to claim the letters to be forgeries and threw them to the fireplace. On the heat of the moment, Edmund also challenged McAngus (his possible half-brother) to a duel. Dougal was quick to accept and Richard was looking forward to the entertainment.

The duel was a shortlived one. McAngus managed to disarm Edmund with a single blow of the sword. On his knees and with a sword on his neck, Edmund begged for his life and offered everything he had to Dougal. "I'm, I'm hardly a rich man. But, but my horse must be worth a thousand ducats. I can sell my wardrobe - the pride of my life - my swords, my curtains, my socks, and my fighting cocks. My servants I can live without, except perhaps he who oils my rack. And then my most intimate treasures: my collection of antique codpieces, my wigs for state occasions, my wigs for private occasions, and my wigs - heh - for humourous occassions; my collection of pokers, ...my autographed miniature of Judas Iscariot ".

McAngus at first pretended to be about to strike but then revealed his interest in the wigs. He did comment though "I hope life doesn't become too dull now that you won't be able to pass laws over Scotland." A while later Edmund and Dougal were seen keeping company with Harry believing them to have become firm friends. This was not so however. Edmund went through with Baldrick's plan and McAngus died in an "accident" involving a cannon. Edmund had disposed of a possible half-brother and a dangerous rival. (The episode was the only to refer to Richard IV of England as also being "Richard XII of Scotland". There was historically no King of Scotland named Richard. Scotland was at the time under James III of Scotland. The union between the thrones of England and Scotland wouldn't occur until March 24, 1603, when James VI of Scotland succeeded Elizabeth I of England).

The murder of an Archbishop

November, 1487 started a new chapter in the conflicts between The Crown and Church of England. The Duke of Winchester, greatest landowner in England, was dying. (Historicaly the Peers of Winchester were known as the Earl of Winchester or Marquess of Winchester. The title was at the time held by Lewis de Bruges, 1st Earl of Winchester, who would not die until 1492). Both King Richard IV and Godfrey, Archbishop of Canterbury were attempting to convince the dying man to leave his lands to the authorities represented by them. (Historically the Archbishop of the time was John Morton).

The former was urging him to leave them to his "beloved" King. The latter threatening his "filthy soul" with "Hell ! Where Satan belches fire, and enormous devils break wind both night and day! Hell! Where the mind is never free from the torments of remorse, and your bottom never free from the pricking of little forks! Hell! Where the softest bits of your nether regions are everybody else's favourite lunch!". Not surprisingly the later arguments had a stronger effect on the Duke who signed his last will moments before leaving his last breath. The gloating Archbishop would not however enjoy his victory. The King had Sir Tavis Mortimer, his hired killer, rush toward him with his head bowed while wearing a spiked helmet. The death was reported as an accident.

Godfrey was reportedly the third Archbishop to have died during the year. Archbishop Bertrum had been crushed by a falling gargoyle while swimming off Beachy Head. And Archbishop Wilfred had been reported to have slipped , "falling backwards onto the spire of Norwich Cathedral ".

A shrewd prince

Edmund was already interested in the fate of the Duke and his lands. His informant Baldrick, however, had news only on the Duchess of Gloucester giving birth to twin goblins. (Historically the position was left vacant at the time. The last Duke was Richard III. The last Duchess was his consort Anne Neville, deceased since March 16, 1485). Messengers soon informed both Princes that the Duke had died along with the Archbishop. The surprisingly naive Harry was convinced of its status as an accident. The shrewdish Edmund however made sarcastic remarks, revealing knowledge of it being a murder and deducing the method and motivation. The remarks naturally went unnoticed by Harry.

The night found Prince Edmund, Lord Percy and Baldrick discussing who would be likely to take over. Edmund imagined it would be one of "the bishop fellows" since they " tend to go for religious types". A better informed Baldrick reported of rumour suggesting the King wants to choose Prince Harry. His source was the reliable Jane Smart, who had also informed him of the Duchess of Kent having an chocolate chastity belt. (Historicaly the current title was Earl of Kent, held at the time by Edmund Grey, 1st Earl of Kent. His Duchess was Katherine Percy).

Edmund saw this as a chance for Harry to die early as had his predecessors. This would make Edmund the next King. However, Baldrick had been misinformed. The following day Richard IV announced that "following careful consultation with the Lord God; His Son, Jesus Christ; and His Insubstantial Friend, the Holy Ghost" the choice fell on "Edwin, Duke of Edinburgh". This caused Edmund to fear for his own life.

Archbishop of Canterbury

Edmund decided to discuss the appointment with his father. Richard informed him that "Do not be mistaken about this appointment, Edward. I have always despised you. You, compared to your beloved brother Harry, are as excrement as compared to cream! So now, my boy, when I have at last found a use for you, do not try to get out of it! ". Edmund did suggest choosing another man "equally weak-willed and feeble". His father countered that there is no such man. Edmund suggested choosing " someone who believed in God" unlike himself. Thus Edmund probably counted himself an atheist, apatheist or agnostic. Richard explained that "If I needed someone who believed in God, I'd have chosen Harry - not an embarrassing little weed like you". He finished by kindly advising Edmund: "if you cross me now, or ever, I shall do unto you what God did unto the Sodomites".

Edmund pretended to obey, but He actually prepared to flee to France. His escape was prevented by the King himself. Edmund was escorted to Canterbury by Harry, who was actually interested in discussing questions of theology with his rather disinterested brother. According to the following narration "His investiture over, Archbishop Edmund the Unwilling swiftly adopted the ways of the cloth. But ever the shadow of his father's threat hung over him". However Edmund was unaware of the exact content of this threat. Asking Baldrick to enlight him on what did God do to Sodomites, Edmund only received the answer "I do not know, My Lord, but I can't imagine it was worse than what they used to do to each other". Meanwhile Percy had been appointed Lord Bishop of Ramsgate by his friend.

Edmund struggled to avoid the wrath of his father. This was exemplified by the end of Lord Graveney whose lands were coveted by King and Church alike. William, Bishop of London had already been attempting to convince the dying Lord to sign a will favouring the Church by using the typical threats of Hell (historically the current Bishop was Thomas Kempe, the next "William" to hold the title was William Warham in 1502). Edmund instead tried to convince the dying man that the Church had no need of his lands. He accepted the confession of Lord Graveney who admitted to having committed many sins, including patricide, more than a thousand cases of adultery and a sexual affair with his own mother. The latter case of apparent incest surprised even Edmund, Percy and King Richard.

Edmund proceeded however to kindly explain : "The thing about Heaven, is that Heaven is for people who like the sort of things that go on in Heaven, like, uh, well, singing, talking to God, watering pot plants. Whereas Hell, on the other hand, is for people who like the other sorts of things: adultery, pillage, torture -those areas. Give your lands to the Crown, and once you're dead, you will have the time of your life!". Convinced of the possibility of an eternity of adultery and pillage, Lord Graveney gladly signed his estate to the Crown. His last statement being "I leave my lands to the Crown, and my soul in the hands of the Lord. May He treat me like the piece of refuse that I am and send me to Hell!". Edmund had finally gained the gratitude of his father.

Assassination attempt

However this gratitude did not secure his life. Edmund was the subject of a discussion between Richard IV and Gertrude. The later was almost unable to believe that " the naughty little boy, whose bottom I had to smack for relieving himself in the font last Thursday" was also the Archbishop of Canterbury. Richard was for the first time pleased with Edmund. He toasted to " A long and healthy life to him! I thank God that in my lifetime never again shall I have to say, "Who will rid me of this turbulent priest?" ". (This phrase is attributed to Henry II of England, who reigned between 1154 and 1189, in reference to Archbishop Thomas Becket, whose term lasted from 1162 till his assassination on December 29, 1170).

The last sentence was overheard by two knights who took it literally as instructions to murder the current Archbishop of Canterbury. Meanwhile Edmund and Baldrick were considering ways to profit from their new position. According to Baldrick "There appear to be four major profit areas: Curses, pardons, relics and selling the sexual favours of nuns". Edmund was curious of the latter, unsure that there were people who would pay for them. Baldrick assured his Lord that there were foreign businessmen and other nuns.

They then focused on pardons. The cheapest was a pardon for talking with your mouth full, signed by an apprentice curate and costing two pebbles. The most expensive was a pardon of "anything whatsoever, including murder, adultery, or dismemberment of a friend or relative", signed by both Popes. The later is a pun concerning the often concurrent existence of a Pope and one or more Antipopes all claiming the same authority. However historically the last of the latter Antipope Felix V had abdicated on April 7, 1449. Pope Innocent VIII was unopposed at the time.

Edmund and Baldrick then discussed profiting from curses, though aware they do not really work. Edmund then got to his explaining their stock of relics. Including Shrouds from Turin, wine from the marriage at Cana, splinters from the True Cross and artifacts created by Jesus as a carpenter. Bishop Percy complained that all of these were obviously fake and would not allow people to tell them apart from real relics. Archbishop Edmund stated that this was the point.

Bishop Percy revealed his own authentic relic, a finger of Jesus. Baldrick proceeded to explain to him that those were on sale in boxes of ten. Also available were the noses of Jesus, Saint Peter, Saint Francis and the breasts of Joan of Arc. (Joan was not canonised by the Roman Catholic Church in real history until May 16, 1920).

The discussion was interrupted by the arrival of the two assassins. Introducing themselves as recently returning Crusaders George de Boeuf and Justin de Boinod, they proceeded to hunt down Edmund along with Percy and Baldrick. They eventualy escaped by crossdressing as nuns but the incident apparently put an end to their careers with the Church.

The next few years

The activities of Edmund for the following several years remain unknown. His return to prominence occurred in 1492. That year, according to the narration, "the death of Randolph XII of Saxony and the collapse of the Treaty of Insects" threw Europe into disarray. "Kingdoms rose and fell; borders, even languages changed; men were killed by their own side and women raped by soldiers from up to seven different nations every week".

Historically, at the time Saxony was divided between Prince-elector Frederick III the Wise (reigned 1486 - 1492) and his uncle Duke Albert the Bold (reigned 1486 - 1500). There has been no Duke or Prince-Elector named Randolph. Otherwise the description of the state of Europe at the time is not that far from the truth.

England under Richard IV was apparently also involved in the general conflict. King Richard was apparently noted for the cynicism in his military strategy. Informed that the Swiss had invaded France, the King ordered Lord Wessex to take advantage of their absence and pillage Geneva. Reminded of his alliance to the Swiss, Richard merely issued orders for his invading force of 10, 000 men to be dressed as Germans. He also took time to sent flowers to the King of France "in sympathy for the death of his son " , despite being personaly responsible for said death. (The historical King of France at the time was Charles VIII whose firstborn son Prince Charles-Orland of France was actualy born in 1492).

Richard IV did not neglect diplomacy either. He explained to Prince Harry that the secret to the later lies in fornication and then marriage. He explained his plan to form an alliance with Spain against France, by marrying Harry to the Spanish Infanta. At this point some comments should be offered on the complex historical Spanish-English relations of the late 15th and 16th century. In 1492, "Spain" still consisted of the Kingdoms of Castile and Aragon, under the rule of consorts and co-rulers Isabella of Castile and Ferdinand II of Aragon. Henry VII Tudor sought an alliance with them, resulting in the marriage of his elder son Arthur, Prince of Wales to their youngest daughter Catherine of Aragon in November, 1501. When Arthur died early, Catherine was married to his younger brother Henry VIII (the historical Arthur and Henry being first cousins to the fictional Harry and Edmund). Henry VII himself offered a marriage proposal to her sister Joanna of Castile late in his life. On June 23, 1516, Spain was united under Charles I, son of Joanna and nephew of Catherine and Henry VIII. On July 25, 1554 Queen Mary I of England , daughter of Henry VIII and Catherine, was married to then Crown Prince Philip II of Spain, son of Charles I. The union intended to unite the thrones of Spain and England under their descedants. With the death of Mary on November 17, 1558 and the marriage proposal of by then King Philip to her younger half-sister Elizabeth I of England turned down, this union was prevented. The plan of fictional Richard IV was perhaps intended as a reference to those well-known historical events.

Said plan however could not work. Harry had already been concurrently engaged to several other noble women:

• Princess Leia of Hungary
• Grand Duchess Ursula of Brandenburg
• Queen Beowulfa of Iceland
• Countess Caroline of Luxembourg
• Bertha of Flanders
• Bertha of Brussels
• Bernard of Saxe-Coburg, correction Bertha of Saxe-Coburg (there was some confusion of whether this was a fiancé or a fiancée for Harry).
• Jeremy of Estonia (a definite fiancé to the confused Harry).

Even Richard hesitated to add a ninth concurrent engagement to Harry. "But if I haven't got a son to marry her, then the whole plan falls apart!" However his advisor Chiswick reminded his King of the existence of another son. Edmund, who his father only remembered as "the slimy one". The decision had already been taken , Edmund would marry the Spanish Infanta.

Engagement

Edmund had recently fallen in love with an unnamed woman and was bitter about being violently turned down by her. Both Baldrick and Lord Percy took advantage of the situation to have some laughs on his expense. Edmund was about to swore off women when the message of his approaching engagement arrived. Edmund was delighted. " This is no ordinary woman, Percy. This is a beautiful royal princess. Just imagine what the Spanish Infanta must be like".

He rushed to meet her. Only to learn that Infanta Maria Escalosa of Spain (played by Miriam Margolyes) was actualy rather obese and seemed repulsive to him. She however proclaimed Edmund to be the true love of her life. Meanwhile Richard IV was informed that Lord Wessex was dead. Having lost his general, the King wanted to rush the alliance with Spain. Thus arranging the marriage for the following day. Edmund was appaled to learn that "in twenty-four hours, I'll be married to a walrus! "

His advisors were at his side however , with cunning plans to avoid the marriage. Lord Percy advised him to pretend being insane, disguise as a little pig but start saying "Moo " instead of "oink". Baldrick had another plan. Edmund should pretend to " prefer the intimate company of men " . Just like the Earl of Doncaster. Because " who would want to marry the Earl of Doncaster"? Edmund thought it blilliant. " No-one would marry the Earl of Doncaster! Except, perhaps, the Duke of Beaufort".

Baldrick instructed him that "Now all you need to do is practise with Percy". A rather confused Edmund was trained in flirting with his male friend, acting effeminate and applying lipstick to himself. All for the eyes of his father. Richard however was busy sending the ashes of the King of Naples to the Queen of Naples. As usual he failed to notice his younger son. (Historicaly the King of Naples at the time was Ferdinand I of Naples who would not die until January 25, 1494. His Queen was Joanna of Aragon, a half-sister of Ferdinand II of Aragon).

First attempt at marriage

The Infanta did notice but thought that Edmund was only dressing as a Spanish man to delight her! Edmund however had another plan in mind. He could not marry the Infanta if he was already married. So Edmund ordered Baldrick to abduct a Reverend Lloyd and Percy to find a suitable bride. Percy chose Tally Applebottom (played by Jane Freeman). But at the altar, while exchanging vowes, Tally identified herself as Mrs. Applebottom. Edmund was surprised but had no time to search for another bride. The Reverend commented that marrying an already married person "is most unusual " . Edmund argued that " The Church is never going to progress if it is not just a bit adaptable!". Baldrick resolved the matter by holding a knife at the throat of the Reverend. The later commented that " Has not the Church always dealt with the unusual? The miracle with the fishes, for example" . This marriage was however canceled with the arrival of a furious Mr. Thomas Applebottom and his scythe.

Meanwhile the Infanta had decided to learn more about her beloved Edmund. She approached his mother for a discussion. Gertrude however was oblivious to the matter discussed. Asked about Englishmen, Gertrude gave a less than flattering description. "Well, they spend most of their time with animals, you know, and with other men. But, oh, when they do come to the women, they only want one thing! ... a kind of pudding made of bread and butter and raisins. And, of course, the other thing... custard!"

The Infanta then asked what is Edmund like in bed. Unlike Jocasta however, Gertrude knew nothing about that aspect of her son. As also pointed by her answers: "Well, in bed, he likes hot milk, with just a little touch of cinnamon". Asked again, Gertrude corrected in saying : "Well, he is like a little rabbit, really". And that is what the Infanta wanted to hear.

Marriage

The last night of his unmarried life found Edmund thorougly depressed. Even his own stag party was depressing. Consisting of only him, Percy and Baldrick, wearing antlers. The later two were also moody. Though perhaps this had to do more with the dog prepared as their dinner. Baldrick attempted to console his Lord by pointing that his wife was a virgin.That gave Edmund another idea: " Or at least there are no living witnesses to the contrary. If she was not, we might still stand a chance. Officially, you have still got to be a virgin " . So Baldrick was sent to join the Infanta in bed, pretending to be Edmund and to take her virginity. While Edmund went to inform his father.

However his choice of words was for once poor: "I bring the gravest of news". Leading to King Richard questioning him on whether the armies of the Rhine had " been slaughtered to a man and their heads cut off, and melted cheese poured down their nostrils in the traditional Swiss manner " or whether were "the Russian royal family mistaken for bison due to their excessive winter clothing, and hunted down, chopped to pieces and eaten as little sweets by Mongolian bandits " . But Ivan III of Russia, his family and presumably the Rhine armies were still alive. Richard relaxed to learn that the news only reported the Infanta not being a Virgin. He had been already informed by her uncle while negotiating the dowry, previous to her arrival. Richard informed Edmund that "Only one of you has to be a virgin!" . Edmund did not protest, apparently admitting to being a virgin at the age of 31.

The morning marriage however had to be cancelled. A messenger reported that, as Richard IV had already suspected, " The Swiss and French made sudden peace with each other at a mountain pass rendez-vous, then forged a clandestine alliance with Spain, thus leaving us without friends in Europe, unless by chance we make an immediate pact with Hungary".

Thus Edmund had to marry the one Hungarian Princess available in the castle. Princess Leia of Hungary, described as "young and beautiful, her eyes are like opals and her hair a cascade of perfect chestnut" . Leia (played by Natasha King) was a girl of about six or seven years. Edmund was surprised to meet his new wife. But he apparently stoicaly chose to accept his fate.

The strange couple did not reportedly lack in mutual affection. But slept in separate bedrooms. In a way Edmund assumed the role of a father, entertaining his young wife with bedtime stories of elfs and fairies. He was apparently resigned to wait for her to grow up. How long this marriage lasted and whether the couple ever proceeded in a romantic or sexual relationship remains uncertain. Leia would still be an adolescent of twelve or thirteen years at the time of his death.

Black plague

Nothing is known about the activities of Edmund for the following three years. However this period of presumably peaceful existence would soon come to an end. According to the narration "By the autumn of the Year of Our Lord 1495, the Black Plague once again howled westwards across Europe from the Indies, carried by seamen and entering England by the South West Passage. Each day, thousands died. Village after village disappeared in its evil wake and not even the best and noblest escaped its horror."

Prince Harry soon informed Edmund that their father was "feeling a bit under the weather". Edmund was somewhat excited, since the death of Richard IV would make Harry King and Edmund himself second in line for the throne. Enquiring on what was the disease, Edmund was informed that it remained uncertain. Harry himself thought it was the Black Plague. Harry also suggested that the King would appreciate a "a little visit" from Edmund. However the currently deranged Richard had taken to welcoming any visitor with a drawn sword. The visiting Edmund had to flee before being stabbed to death by his own father.

Prince Harry soon summoned the Privy Council to discuss the matters at hand. Both Edmund and Lord Percy Percy were apparently among the "Lords of the Council". Baldrick silently attended at the side of his Prince. Harry begun his speech by announcing they jointly faced "the gravest crisis this country has known since the Roman invasion." A statement met with the apparent approoval of the council. However at this point King Richard was reportedly calling for Harry. The Prince of Wales was suddenly nervous but agreed to meet his father. Though only after wearing a helmet and drawing his own sword.

Harry left Edmund in charge of the council. Edmund begun reading from Harry's notes. However in his case the phrase "the gravest crisis this country has known since the Roman invasion" only managed to produce wide protest from his audience. An audience who reminded him of the invasions of the Vikings, Normans and the Swiss. Edmund conceeded that their current situation was only "the greatest crisis for some time".

One of the Lords shouted that they all knew why. Reporting rumors that the King is under spiritual possession. The surprised Edmund was unable to continue his speech. The Lords reported that "The land is full of omens of bewitchment".

These reported strange omens included:

• A tale that during the previous week in Cornwall, a man with four heads had been seen taking tea on the beach. (Historically Europeans would not encounter tea until a 1560 visit of Japan by Portoguese sailors. The custom of drinking tea was only introduced to England by Catherine of Braganza, Queen consort of Charles II of England since May, 1662).
• The claim of two women in Windsor of having been raped by a fish.
• A tale of raining phlegm in Harrisgate.
• The report of the graves in Edinburgh having opened. The ghosts of their ancestors were reported to have risen up and competed in athletic sports.
• Lord Percy reporting that a friend of his had an awful pimple on the inside of his nose.
• The tale of a farmer in Rye having heard a cow reciting Geoffrey Chaucer.
• The tale of young woman in Shropshire having seen Geoffrey Chaucer in a field, mooing and suckling a young heifer. (Historically Chaucer is believed to have died on October 25, 1400).

The Lords saw these as conclusive evidence of witchcraft. Edmund protested that surely they weren't the sort of people to believe in this sort of thing. "I mean, next you will be telling me is that washing your hair in bat's droppings stops you going bald." Only for a Lord to claim this was true, stating that his inability to find enough bats resulted in his own baldness. The lords proceeded in deciding that the way to remove this curse from the kingdom was to send for the Witchsmeller Pursuivant. The protestations of Edmund failed to have an effect. The Lords left the council room to inform Prince Harry.

A witch-hunt begins

An angry Edmund confronted Lord Percy over this decision. Remarking that "Honestly, Percy, I bet you are just the sort of person who thinks that sticking your finger up a sheep's bottom on Good Friday will make you fertile!" Baldrick commented that this was only true for Easter Monday. A disgusted Prince requested to be reminded not to shake hands with Baldrick during religious festivals.

Perhaps more to the point, Edmund wanted to know who the Witchsmeller Pursuivant. Baldrick knew not but suggested that Mistress Scott. Edmund remembered her as an old crone with a cat, living in a nearby village. Visiting the village incognito however, the Prince and his two companions only came acrooss the charred remains of Mistress Scott and her cat. Edmund was shocked to learn the villagers had burned the old woman as a witch. Under the instructions of the Witchsmeller. Meanwhile a similarly shocked Percy was collecting cat bones. The villagers also informed Edmund that the Witchsmeller was a master of disguise who mostly appeared only at night. Angry but also certain that the Witchsmeller was not actually there, Edmund proceeded to advice the villagers to kick the big-nosed bully straight out of town and back to the madhouse he came from. Edmund left with no other comment. But his remarks had been enough to gain the attention of "a dark hooded figure with glowing red eyes." The Witchsmeller himself (played by Frank Finlay).

Introduction to the Witchsmeller

The Witchsmeller apparently arrived at court before Prince Edmund did. Pursuivant attempted to explain his role to Prince Harry. He had the word Good written on one of his hands and the word evil on the other hand. He then claimed to have two functions. First to protect the good. At this point the "good" hand opened to reveal a white egg. His second stated function was to crush the evil. He opened the "evil" hand to reveal a brown egg. Asking Harry to watch, Pursuivant then crushed both eggs. Harry claimed to have found the demonstration fascinating but pointed that both eggs had been crushed. Pursuivant explained that "Some that seem good sometimes proveth to be evil."

Baldrick apparently chose this moment to enter the room to announce the arrival of his Lord. Edmund and Pursuivant evidently recognised each other as a result of their brief meeting at the village. But did not comment on it. Edmund did however comment on his new acquaintance's recent work at Taunton. "Imagine that! Every single person in the village having an affair with the same duck." Pursuivant just observed that "The Duck of Taunton" was a tragic circumstance.

Edmund asked Pursuivant if he had yet to find the head witch. The Witchsmeller claimed to feel being very close. Edmund reacted with his usual sarcasm. Harry however also had a question for Pursuivant. If Pursuivant dih happen to come across someone "a bit witchy", how would he proove "him" guilty. Pursuivant answered that guilt would be prooven "by trial or by ordeal". Edmund thought Pursuivant meant the ordeal of water.

But Pursuivant actually meant an ordeal by axe. He further explained the procedure. "The suspected witch has his head placed upon a block and an axe aimed at his neck. If the man is guilty, the axe will bounce off his neck, so we burn him. If he is not guilty, the axe will simply slice his head off." Attracting another sarcasting comment from Edmund: "What a very fair test that is".

Accused of being a witch

At this point Pursuivant suggested a less violent for Edmund himself. The procedure for it sounded simpler. "I place before the suspect a dagger and crucifix. The suspect is blindfolded, and if he picks up the dagger from the table, he is Satan's bedfellow." Finding the described test interesting, Harry adviced his younger brother to go through with it in order to take himself out of the running. Edmund was still hesitant but finally agreed, having noted the locations of both artifacts on the table. Pursuivant however provided a distraction for the other persons witnessing and then switched the positions of the artifacts. Edmund picked up the dagger and was instantly declared a witch. Pursuivant also declared him to be a brother of Lucifer. Shouting for the burning of the discovered witch.

Harry only answered "If that is what you recommend". Edmund protested: "But, Harry, you can not let him do this!" Protestations that went unheard. Harry only allowed his brother to have a full trial during the following day.

Beginning of a witch trial

The trial begun as planned. But the audiance was already obviously biased against the accused Prince. Edmund was allowed to have a defense. Lord Percy had apparently volunteered to present a defense for him. However, Percy was obviously intimitated by the calling for the defense. "Who will defend the accused and thus condemn himself to certain burning at the stake as a partner in Satan if the accused is found guilty?" Baldrick, however, informed the court that Lord Percy would defend the Prince.

However, then entered the designated prosecutor, Pursuivant, who immediately declared Percy to be a suspected witch, thus turning the audience against Percy. Harry stated that this concluded the case for the defense.

Then started the questioning of the accused. Edmund was asked whether he was a Christian. Understandably, at this point he declared himself to be one. Asked whether he could say the Lord's Prayer, Edmund overeagerly answered that he could say it backwards, which was a statement declared a confession by Pursuivant.

Edmund was then asked to admit possessing a pussycat named Bubbles. Pursuivant then declared that the name was short for Beelzebubbles. Pursuivant then accused Edmund of having been seen speaking to his cat on the Feast of Saint Jacob the Turgid. Edmund denied ever doing so. However ,Pursuivant revealed that Mary the chambermaid had heard him saying "Hello, little Bubbles, would you like some milk?". Edmund admitted he might have said that. Pursuivant pressed him on the meaning of "milk" in the phrase. Edmund was annoyed and answered that he meant "milk". "Bloody milk". Pursuivant interpretated this to mean a mixture of milk and blood. Edmund protested that it was only milk. Pursuivant interpretated that blood would come later. Edmund stated that there wasn't any blood. Only for Pursuivant to declare this to be Edmund's reason for using milk instead of blood to feed his cat.

Pursuivant next questioned Edmund on the subject of his horse Black Satin. Edmund had been quoted to have said to it: "Satin, would you like some carrots?" Edmund admitted that he might have said that. Since Satin liked carrots. Pursuivant then claimed that carrots were the Devil's favourite food. Percy questioned this statement: "If the Devil likes carrots, why isn't it mentioned in the Bible, then? Why doesn't it say, "And He took the Lord up to the top of an high mountain and offered Him a carrot"?" Edmund also questioned the statement "why isn't "Thou shalt not eat carrots" in the Ten Commandments?" Opening his own Bible however, Pursuivant countered that in fact it was. Listed among the Ten Commandments of Jerimoth, in the Appendix to the Apocrypha was "And the Lord said unto the children of Bedinibott :`Neither shalt thou eat the fruit of the tree that is known as the Carrot Tree'." " Baldrick countered that carrots did not grow on trees. Pursuivant then questioned his source of knowledge on carrots and declared Baldrick a witch. To the laughter of the audiance.

Pursuivant then called the first witness for the prosecution, Black Satin. Pursuivant questioned the horse on having indulged in infrenzied, naked and obscene Satanic orgies with hismaster, supposedly known to it as the Great Grumbledook? Its refusal to answer led to the assumption that the horse had something to hide. Edmund suggested instead that his horse was not able to speak. But Pursuivant stated this was only a likely story. He questioned the horse of his identity as Black Satin the Loquacious, known in the Hierarchy of Evil as a servant of Satan. Black Satin reacted with a whinny, interpretated by Pursuivant to be a denial of the accusation. But Pursuivant added that this denial was not to be believed. He then called for a recess.

Incarceration

Edmund shared a cell with fellow accused witches Percy and Baldrick for the rest of that day. At some point they were visited by the Queen consort. Who supposed this was what came of being a witch. Edmund complained and claim to have not ever been one. But his mother countered that her youngest son was always a bit of a fibber. Edmund nevertheles begged the Queen to use whatever power she possessed to help him. The Queen claimed however that she had not held any power for years. Gertrude did however promise to see what she could sort out.

The prisoners were left to themselves. Lord Percy then revealed to his friend of having send for the greatest lawyers in the land on his behalf. All refused their assistance however. A typical response came from Robert Wyatt of Somerset: "What you ask is against reason and God. I spit on you and your master, and look forward to passing water over both your graves at a later date." A more personal response came from John "Stinker" Watts who happened to be a school acquaintance of Edmund and Percy: "Dear Percy, I remember being at school with Prince Edmund and yourself, and so was very interested by your letter. May you both die horribly. Yours, John Watts."

Baldrick however had a cunning plan. Edmund concidered it brilliant and commented "You may capture the eagle, but you cannot clip its wings!" Edmund proclaimed that he would not be so meek the following day. He then gave a sinister laughter.

Conclusion of the witch trial

The second day of the trial begun with exibitions of hostility between the audiance and the accused. Pursuivant then informed Edmund that the blessed "Satin the Confessor" was unable to be with them due to his untimely death. However Satin reportedly had time to make a signed confession: "I, Black Satin, confess that my former master, Edmund, is the servant of Satan and I spoke to him on the matter frequently over a gallon of stableboy's blood."

Then Pursuivant called the second and last witness of the prosecution. Jane Firkettle (played by Barbara Miller), an old woman. She claimed to have recognise Edmund among the crowd. Edmund had apparently never met her before. He persumed Mrs. Firkettle had seen his face on a coin. Pursuivant questioned her on having commited sins of the flesh with Edmund. Her positive reply caused the surprise of her alleged lover. Firkettle claimed feeling deeply ashamed of this relation. Edmund added his own shame "I mean, look at her!" Pursuivant asked her to describe these foul deeds. Jane claimed that after their first kiss, Edmund had turned into a wild animal. Three monts later she was reportedly pregnant. She bore him a son, little Johnny. This John Grumbledook was revealed to the court. But Edmund claimed to see no resemblance between himself and that white poodle.

Pursuivant remarked on the three proofs of witchcraft this court had found:

• A cat which drinks blood.
• A talking horse.
• A man who sows poodles.

Harry consequently announced that three accused persons were found guilty. Their sentence was to be execution by burning on Friday August 11, 1495.

Awaiting execution

While awaiting execution, Edmund and his two companions had their heads shaved. Each prisoner was attached to a ball and chain. Their attempts to bribe the guards in order for them to allow their escape failed - the guards had appparently been approached by many prisoners in this way and were unbribeable.

Prior to his execution Edmund was visited by his mother and wife. Leia was apparently too young to feel concern over the event of being about to become a widow. She thought her bald husband looked funny. Leia informed the "boys" that there was no news of a reprieve since everyone was looking forward to this execution. She complained over having to be at her room during it. But she reportedly thought that her window might provide for an even better view of the event. Leia also offered Edmund a gift from his own mother, a doll. Edmund was dissapointed but did exchange farewells with his "dear".

Failed execution

The hour of the execution eventually arrived. Edmund , Percy and Baldrick were carried on wooden racks to their place of execution in the presence of an obviously excited crowd.

Prince Harry suggested to Pursuivant that this must have serve as one of the most difficults parts of his job. The Witchsmeller affirmed it but actually appeared disinterested.

Baldrick had a last minute cunning plan to suggest. But Prince Edmund told his servant to "fuck off". He had his own plan to stall the execution. He thus offered a confession.

A confession of:

• Having on occassion done things wrong.
• Having erred and strayed like a lost ox or sheep.
• Having coveted the adultery of his father.
• Having not honoured the ass of his neighbour.
• Having been a witch.

His confession over, Edmund had no further way to postpone his own demise. Edmund reported feeling uncomfortable and let his doll slip through his hands and into the fire. A doll revealed to have a striking resemblance to the Witchsmeller. Pursuivant started complaining of heat. Within minutes the Witchsmeller had burned to death along with the doll resembling him. While the flames never touched the three prisoners and their bonds were broken. Both Edmund and Percy though it was the result of Baldrick's plan and thanked him for saving them. Baldrick however evidently had no idea of the reason for these events.

Meanwhile at the castle a cured King Richard was greeting his wife Gertrude and daughter-in-law Leia. The King enquired on the activities outside his castle. Leia explained that "Uncle Harry" was going to burn Edmund alive. Gertrude however assured her husband that everything had been sorted out by that time. Leia was surprised to see sparkles flying out of the eyes of the Queen.

(Gertrude was apparently revealed to have been an actual witch. The death of Pursuivant and the rescue of the prisoners were apparently the results of her magic. The execution was apparently cancelled as all three prisoners were known to have resumed their court lifes).

Disgruntled Prince

According to the introduction many were the tales told of the Black Adder and his faithful henchmen Lord Percy Percy and Baldrick, son of Robin the Dung-Gatherer. However the last and most exciting part would begin in 1498.

On Saint Juniper's Day, 1498, King Richard IV followed tradition in lavishing new honours upon his kinfolk. He started by giving a short speech: " Saint Juniper once said, "By his loins shall ye know him and by the length of his rod shall he be measured." The length of my rod is a mystery to all but the Queen, and a thousand Turkish whores, but the fruits of my loins are here for all to see. I have two sons, Henry and ... another one."

Henry, Prince of Wales, nick-named Harry was called forth and named Captain of the Guard, Grand Warden of the Northern and Eastern Marches, Chief Lunatic of the Duchy of Gloucester, Viceroy of Wales, Sheriff of Nottingham, Marquis of the Midlands, Lord Hoe-Maker extrordinary and Harbinger of the Doomed Rat.

The other one, Edmund, was also called forth. He was thanked of his work as the Duke of Edinburgh. But was relieved of this "heavy task" and replaced by Richard's loyal cousin Hastings. The King then left the court to ride against the rebellious city of Stoke. His sworn intent was to approach the city walls, bare his buttocks and shout "Behold. I honour thee most highly".

Prince Edmund was thus left with the single title of Warden of the Royal Privvies. He was reasonably angered by the removal of his titles. Percy and Baldrick attempted to console their Lord by pointing that it could be worst. Stripped of all his titles. A suddenly determined Edmund however declared his new mission: " I must clear away the chaff from my life and let shine forth the true wheat of greatness". He started by dismissing Percy from his service. A shocked Percy asked for a reason. The Black Adder gave him several: "Because Percy, far from being a fit consort for a Prince of the Realm, you would bore the leggings off a village idiot. You ride a horse rather less well than another horse would, your brain would make a grain of sand look large and ungainly and the part of you that can not be mentioned, I am reliably informed by women around the court, wouldn not be worth mentioning even if it could be. If you put on a floppy hat and a furry codpiece you might just get by as a fool, but, since you wouldn not know a joke if it got up and gave you a haircut, I doubt it. That is why you are dismissed." Baldrick was also unceremonially thrown out. Thus ,according to the narration, Edmund spurned his friends and began his quest for glory.

The disgruntled Prince reportedly expected Baldrick to return to shovelling dung in the gutter as before entering his service. Baldrick though pointed that it had taken him years to get that job. He expected to work his way up again. But he would have to start by milking pigs and mucking out lepers. Edmund was unmoved and rode away on his black horse. Baldrick was replaced as a horse attendant by an aging, retired Morris Dancer.

Recruiting conspirators

Edmund set forth into England in search of the six other "Most Evil Men in the Kingdom". He intended to recruit them in an effort to take over the Kingdom. By order of recruitment, the men included were:

• Sir Wildred Death (played by John Hallam). A skilled dueler.
• Three-Fingered Pete (played by Roger Slomon). An archer.
• Guy de Glastonbury (played by Patrick Malahide). An crossbowman and early highwayman.
• Sean, the Irish Bastard (played by Ron Cook). A daggerman who preyed on beggars.
• Friar Bellows (played by Paul Brooke). Taking advantage of misplaced trust on him. Had an apparent preference for virgin girls.
• Jack Large (played by Big Mick). A dwarf with an apparent hatred for giants. Described as unspeakably violent Jack, a bull buggering beast killer of no fixed abode.

Candidates for recruitment suggested but rejected were:

• "Mad Bully-boy" Jack, the grave robbing assassin of Aldwich.
• "Crazed Animal" Jack, the cattle rustling cannibal from Sutton-Coalfield.
• "Sane" Jack O'Hooligan , the man-hating goat-murderer of Dingle Bay.
• " Canon" Jack Smollett, senior archdeacon of the diocese of Saint Bothar, the entrail-eating heretic of Bath and Wells.

Concpiracy plans

The seven men were soon discussing their plans in an inn while emptying goblets of beer. Friar Bellows suggested the motto of their enterprise: "Blessed are the meek, for they shall be slaughtered". The conspirators called for chaos, slaughter and flowers mercilessly crushed under foot.

Edmund had a more coherent plan. Described by him as cunning in its simplicity. He would ride home and then send for them all through a black-haired messenger. They would gather in the tavern of the recently deceased old Jasper

Further comments

Described by his father as 'an embarassing little weed', this Black Adder is somewhat different from later incarnations, being largely unintelligent, and relying more on the plans of Baldrick. The character does evolve through the series, however, and he begins showing signs of what his descendants will be like by the final episode, where he begins insulting everyone around him. In this final episode, The Black Seal, he attempted to raise a gang of rebels to seize the Kingdom.

He was largely ignored by his father, who, on the few occasions he did recognise his son, called him by the wrong name, be it Edgar, Enid or simply 'The other one'. As Edmund lay on his deathbed, his father, apparently having changed his opinion, declared a toast 'To my son Edmund'. Edmund, surprised that his father has gotten his name right mutters 'Father, you called me Edmund'. Richard answers 'Oh, sorry, To Edgar!'

As Edmund lay on his deathbed, he watched as his family drank wine, accidentally poisoned by Lord Percy, and died. Edmund, realising he was now King, tested the wine to see what was wrong with it and then declared himself to be King of England. Then he died of poisoning.

The series chronicled that following the death of the entire Royal Family, Henry Tudor usurped the throne and re-wrote history to eliminate the reign of Richard IV and, therefore, Edmund.

Preceded by: Richard IV	King of England	Succeeded by: Henry VII
	Lord of Ireland