Wikipedia:Requests for feedback/2011 August 22

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User:Rvsuvarna/Black_Dot_Vodka

I need help with getting this article to Wikipedia's standards and to push it live. Any help will be greatly appreciated.

Rvsuvarna (talk) 03:42, 22 August 2011 (UTC)

Hi Rvsuvarna, I have a few comments:

• The article needs more references in third-party reliable sources to prove notability. There are some, but not enough to pass our notability guidelines yet. Has the product been covered in newspapers or magazines other than the one mentioned?
• The article also has a neutrality problem, words like "handcrafted" are problematic.

I have tried to find reliable sources, but I can't find anything substantial. Quasihuman | Talk 12:04, 23 August 2011 (UTC)

User:Mecheng761/Zishan_Engineers

I have made changes and added a few sources. Could you please let me know if the article is good enough to be posted on the main wikipedia page?

Mecheng761 (talk) 09:34, 22 August 2011 (UTC)

Im not seeing too many changes from my view and dont know fully if it addressing the previous editors concerns over the page. For further back ground for other editors, various concerns in the past can be found from this discussion here which endorsed deletion; Wikipedia:Deletion_review/Log/2010_December_10. Ottawa4ever (talk) 13:35, 22 August 2011 (UTC)

In fact it appears the only added addition was that the company is on the winsim list of users since this deletion review took place. Ottawa4ever (talk) 13:42, 22 August 2011 (UTC)

User:AJonwiki/FDI Intelligence

Please could you let me know if this article is ok?

AJonwiki (talk) 11:33, 22 August 2011 (UTC)

User:Jjbellawan/EduProfiles_Inc.

More editing is welcome!

Jjbellawan (talk) 13:59, 22 August 2011 (UTC)

User:Davina.R

Hi there, I need help with these 3 things, as I would like to give Davina credit and write a Wikipedia page on her achievements:

Any assistance would be much appreciated. Thank you.

• Remember to sign your comments with ~~~~ so we know who we're replying to.
• Several of your Wikilinks are external - remove the URL parts, just leave the title, "[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Australia Australian]" (Australian) should be "[[Australia]]n" (Australian) or "[[Australia|Australian]]" (Australian) - use 2 square brackets each side, not one. See Wikilinks.
• You seem to have a lot of sources which is helpful, but make sure the article remains notable and avoid it becoming too promotional, as that can lead to deletion. Achievements are one thing, but they need to be recognised independently for their success without seeking commercial promotion - as Wiki is an encyclopedia not a marketing site.
• See Biographies of Living Persons for all the ins-and-outs on writing a Biog that meets Wiki approval, and you should be fine.

Ma®©usBritish ^[talk] 06:10, 24 August 2011 (UTC)

Fashion Entrepreneurship

Davina founded and is the Managing Director of iClothing which is iPad compatible clothing t-shirts and dresses with kangaroo pouches store iPads inand the annual Being Born Again Couture Fashion Show, a couture show in different cities globally with renowned and emerging fashion designers and artists creating a haute couture garment each with music, theatrical performances, dancing and film.

The inaugural show in 2010 in Sydney, Australia show collaborated Australian fashion designers including Akira Isogawa, Nicola Finetti, Marnie Skillings and Michael Lo Sordo and Australian artists including Tracey Moffatt, Lindy Lee and Christopher Horder.

The 2011 show in New York City, Manhattan, features fashion designers including BCBC Max Azria, Calvin Klein, Anna Sui, Donna Karan, Michael Kors collaborating with artists from MoMA and P.S.1. including Michele Abeles and Tauba Auerbach.

Style

"High-fashion and experimental, Davina's sense of personal style can only be described as eclectic". Davina creates "styles that are whimsical, contradictory, yet confident with appealing feminine aesthetics", according to her 'D&Em by Davina' label . The focus is on "the crazy, yet the beautiful; the obsessive, yet the controlled".

Davina was interviewed by Fashion_One TV and NDTV China during Australian Fashion Week. In addition, Davina was interviewed by ABC_News_(USA) and Fashion.Maga-Zine.com for her PR and Event Director position at Couture Fashion Week in New York City in 2011, her iClothing iPad clothing range and assisting famous and emerging fashion talents develop .

Domenico.y (talk) 15:10, 22 August 2011 (UTC)

User:Jean_yury/Gamigo_ag

I am looking to create a page for the gaming publisher gamigo AG. I have chosen this topic as I am a fan of the f2p industry and noted that in every game licensed to gamigo, that their name was listed "red" which meant a link to a dead wiki page. It seemed to me that an article should be created on the company in order to help people learn about this publisher.

This is my first article on wikipedia and I would appreciate feedback on whether or not my article fulfills the wikipedia requirements.

Jean yury (talk) 16:01, 22 August 2011 (UTC)

Origin of the phrase "The truth is hard to swallow."

I am searching for the origins and basis for certain phrases and sayings I've heard. "The truth is hard to swallow" is one I can find no history on. Anyone who can provide me with the circumstances, what the "truth" was that was mentioned, and any additional information would be appreciated. Thank You.

TUSCANYINDUS (talk) 16:49, 22 August 2011 (UTC)

• This page provides comments and constructive criticism about articles that you have drafted, created, or substantially changed.
• This is not a general help page. To seek assistance or ask a question, see Wikipedia:Questions.

Ma®©usBritish ^[talk] 06:18, 24 August 2011 (UTC)

The Legion Academy

I rewrote this article, which was previously deleted as being unsourced and insignificant. I think the topic, which has been an ongoing theme in its fictive universe since 1968, is notable and worthy of inclusion in the Wikipedia Comics Project, and have tried to explain why in the new article.

Erikacornia (talk) 17:18, 22 August 2011 (UTC)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:JackBridgestone/Ashraf_Ghori

Article on 'Ashraf Ghori' is written. Please provide with necessary feedback and I will be happy to do the changes and resubmit. Thank you.

JackBridgestone (talk) 17:59, 22 August 2011 (UTC)

Yatin Patel

Spent a good deal of time on this page; there are as many references as I could find, as well as a few images. The profile picture of the artist, however, has a weird code on top and bottom. I obviously did something wrong, but cannot find what it was in any help articles.

Any extra links, grammatical help, etc, would be greatly appreciated.

Emreksd (talk) 18:02, 22 August 2011 (UTC)

• Fixed photo - don't need to use [[File:]] or [[Image:]] in an infobox, just the filename.
• Your reference on the meaning of "Sutra" links to Wiki itself - this is not allowed per Circular Sourcing. An Indian Dictionary (online or hard copy) would be a better source of it's meaning.
• You have established what Yatin Patel does, but you need to prove his notability - what has he achieved? - which needs independent reviews, proof of his public success and recognition, etc - otherwise the article may be deemed promotional and opted for deletion. You say he has a "primary goal" which is fine, but Wiki is not a place to advertise fresh talent, but to detail recognised talent - if Yatin has been written about in newspapers or magazines then you should reference them to highlight his notability more clearly.

Ma®©usBritish ^[talk] 06:37, 24 August 2011 (UTC)

User:Cat777/South_Florida_Punk_and_Hardcore

This is a rough draft. We think the page is ready to publish as regular Wikipedia page. We just want to make sure there arean't any issues with it.

Also, how do we re-designate it?

Thank you Cat777 (talk) 18:18, 22 August 2011 (UTC)

• Okay, this could be a good list article, but at the moment the layout is terrible, because you have a huge Table of Contents, followed by a list which repeats the TOC - I see it is because you have used level 5 headers round each band, which you don't need to be doing.

• Right, what I've done is copy-edit the entire article, in one edit, which you can then look through and consider. Basically, the article is good, but needs to meet the Manual of Style guidelines better. Here's a run down of the few things I noticed and edited. You are free to revert it if you don't like it, but most of the edits are pretty standard.
  • Hyphens between years to ndashes.
  • Changed 7" and 10" to 7-inch and 10-inch to make better reading. Added hyphen between 7 and inch in last band.
  • Replace all angular quotes (`) with straight (') quotes, or `` to " per MOS.
  • Changed all level 5 headers to bullet points for better list appearance.
  • Closed up spacing between bands, as it came across to "gappy".

By "re-designate" I guess you mean move it from your User space to main a Wiki article? Simply use the "Move" link in the blue banner at the top of your Draft article, that will take you through publishing it once ready.

Ma®©usBritish ^[talk] 08:00, 24 August 2011 (UTC)

• I've gone through the draft article again, as I didn't realise I only copy-edited the "Eras" section. Few more pointers:
  • Dates:
    • Lot of mixed up ways, some have ordinals, some don't (st, rd, nd) - best option is not to use them, the MOS advises not to.
    • Some dates had & whilst some had a hypen - eg 1-2 May, 1 & 2 May. Use the first, but with an ndash, it's neater. In cases like 1, 2 & 3 - replace with 1–3 to maintain consistency.
    • Shortened dates, such as "80" for 1980, or "Fri" for Friday, need writing in full, unless part of a quote - helps people follow easier.
  • Band names:
    • Inconsistent use of capitals, especially on words like "the" and "and". "And" should be lower case, "the" should be capitalised if the first word in the band name, lower case if used mid-name, eg "Bob and the Boys in Blue".
• Also inconsistent use of periods, at the end of sentences.

• I would recommend that you complete writing the article, then have another editor go though and copy-edit it fully to MOS standards - a bit like I have done, but it needs more attention, then publish it - it should look good once it's done. Ma®©usBritish ^[talk] 10:50, 24 August 2011 (UTC)

Astro man 2020/ASTRO File Manager

Previously deleted: 17:39, 22 August 2011 Causa sui (talk | contribs) deleted "Astro File Manager" ‎ (G11: Unambiguous advertising or promotion: Press release) How do we look now? Would like to re-post ASAP! Cheers! Astro man 2020 (talk) 19:18, 22 August 2011 (UTC)

The Unconquerable

This is the second article I've written. Would welcome any questions or comments about form and content. Thank you.

Jmasiulewicz (talk) 19:33, 22 August 2011 (UTC)

Rachd88/Martin_wolins

Hi, this is my first time writing something on Wiki, can you please give me some feedback on this? thanks!

Rachd88 (talk) 20:09, 22 August 2011 (UTC)

Arachnitect (album)

My first article on musician Kristen Lawrence is up on Wikipedia and can be found through the wiki search box. I have a few areas where I need help.

• I have now written three more articles about Lawrence's music albums: ''Arachnitect'' (album), ''A Broom With A View'' (album), and ''Vampire Empire'' (album). I have recently moved them from my User page, but they are not yet available through searching the Wikipedia article listings. I wanted to make sure that they are linked properly to be posted.

• Also, on the Kristen Lawrence article page, a Wikipedia box says that it is an orphan, with no links to other articles. I am not sure how to link the three new articles to the Kristen Lawrence page, or vice versa so they will not be orphans, either, or get other Wikipedia pages to link to Kristen Lawrence. (Please help me get rid of any orphans. As Miss Hannigan said in the movie Annie, "Why would anyone want to be an orphan?")

• I created a category: Kristen Lawrence albums. Do I need to link it to anything, other than having it in the three albums' categories at the bottom of each album page?

• The Kristen Lawrence page also has a second box at the top that says that it is a new unreviewed article. I would appreciate having the articles reviewed.

Thank you for taking the time to help a newbie learn. I soon will be adding another articles and want to do them correctly.

Idaho50 (talk) 21:09, 22 August 2011 (UTC)

Chase Rettig

Requesting feedback to remove "new article" template.

Gildir (talk) 22:52, 22 August 2011 (UTC)

Gildir, you really don't need anyone else to remove the New Unreviewed Article template anymore. :) All your articles have consistently been excellent, so I recommend you simply remove them yourself after moving the article. Don't forget to add the appropriate WikiProject templates in the talk page though, so they can keep track of it as well.-- Obsidi♠n Soul 12:45, 25 August 2011 (UTC)

I'm not so sure about that. The template clearly states that it shouldn't be removed by the article's creator. This, in my view, is an important safety net and we shouldn't be encouraging others to bypass it. With all respect to you, Obsidian.--Ykraps (talk) 15:09, 25 August 2011 (UTC)

The Virtual Stage

Looking for someone to please review this article and remove the "new unreviewed article" tag at the top if it is deemed acceptable. Thank you.

Randomlyacting (talk) 02:47, 23 August 2011 (UTC)

Please convert the timeline to readable paragraphs.-- Obsidi♠n Soul 12:39, 25 August 2011 (UTC)

Thanks Obsidian. Done. Any further feedback? If not, would I be able to bother you to remove the "new article" tag? Thanks again. Randomlyacting (talk) 16:59, 25 August 2011 (UTC)