Talk:No Game No Life/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: ChrisGualtieri (talk · contribs) 05:03, 23 July 2015 (UTC)[reply]

I'll do this one. Give me some time to finish my checks. ChrisGualtieri (talk) 05:03, 23 July 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Foregoing my usual review process - just going to highlight somethings in a first pass.

"....title of god of games." - Just flows poorly, I understand why it is like this. But an introduction should be crisp.

Removed title of.

"The series began receiving recognition in 2014." A bit lackluster and vague, ain't it? The rest of this paragraph is a bit disappointing as well.

Reorganized

"...and are summoned to a reality known as Disboard" - This is in the plot section and not the lead. Why did you not state "World"?

Changed lead to reality. I might be wrong here but I thought reality was more accurate, since it's a different place with different physical laws, while world would hold the same physical laws but just a different setting. World and reality was used in the same sentence since the reward was worded like that, and I wanted to avoid using the same word twice in a sentence.

I'm not too fussy over it. Whatever works. ChrisGualtieri (talk) 06:23, 24 July 2015 (UTC)[reply]

" There, a spell known as the Ten Pledges prevents violence and enforces the rules and outcomes of games." - This is central and is used similar as Death Note did, but the plot focus should not be turned away from a little needed expansion. This plot summary is not a summary as more of a teaser.

Expanded on Ten Pledges. It continuously returns to status quo like pokemon, and listing each capture would be like listing each gym battle. It would get excessively long.

There is a conceptual difference here and its not "Pikachu! Try harder!". The world is governed by the rules and its perfectly fine to establish the concepts in a paragraph. A world where magic prevents aggression (including robbery) and forces contracts and such to be handled through games is sorta a big thing. Not asking for them all to be listed either - just the basics of how this different realm is unique - not how it works.

Oh, you want an expansion on the Ten Pledges. I've added a sentence to explain the rule enforcement. Magically enforced is already good enough to explain how violence is prevented and rewards are enforced. DragonZero (Talk · Contribs) 22:24, 25 July 2015 (UTC)[reply]

"Their next goal is to conquer all sixteen species in order to challenge Tet to a game." - Updating would be nice.

Half sentence on numbers captured added

"The two are known as the undefeated gaming identity Blank" - The wording is a bit weird when you isolate this from the explanation of the name. Two sentences might work better, but the key is that "Together, they are the identity behind Blank". Whether they control 2 characters each or otherwise, their union is Blank. Separated they are not.

Changed are known to form. I'm not completely sure what you mean either. I'm pretty sure they are known as Blank separately as well.

Throughout the material, they work together as Blank. Individual skills aside, they support each other. Chess against Kurami - it wasn't just Shiro. Blank is the identity and form of their union in that sense. ChrisGualtieri (talk) 06:23, 24 July 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Added together to precede the sentence.

"Following the death of their parents and feeling ostracized by the world, the two suffer from a degree of agoraphobia and became hikikomori". Cause and effect relationship issue - The death of their parents is not linked to their ostracization.

Reworded. Ostracized might've been the wrong word for both sides not taking interest in each other.

"Due to Riku's efforts, Tet comes into possession of an object know as the Star Grail," - know[n].

known

"Azrael (アズリール Azurīru) is the first flügel and considered their leader after the death of their creator, the old deus Artosh." - Two separate thoughts run together in a bit of a jumbled way. Perhaps: "Azrael (アズリール Azurīru) is the first flügel and their leader after the death of Artosh, the old deus which created them."?

Took this DragonZero (Talk · Contribs) 01:24, 24 July 2015 (UTC)[reply]

The other parts seem fine at a cursory glance. Though it seems cultural differences and often overt taboo references are lost on the English reviewers, especially the interplay between characters. Oh well.. just got to work with what we got. ChrisGualtieri (talk) 05:37, 23 July 2015 (UTC)[reply]

ECHO Echo echo. DragonZero (Talk · Contribs) 02:32, 30 July 2015 (UTC)[reply]

I do have work you know! I'm gonna swing by tomorrow and check the references in detail. Sorta limited at the moment. ChrisGualtieri (talk) 04:24, 30 July 2015 (UTC)[reply]

More stuff:

"The yearly magazine Kono Light Novel ga Sugoi!, listed the light novel and the protagonists of No Game No Life on its polls."

Do you know the result of the poll for 2014 and 2015? Also, it should be tied to the other poll at the end of the paragraph. ChrisGualtieri (talk) 00:43, 31 July 2015 (UTC)[reply]

I understand your structure is to group the polls and such together, but I've separated the first paragraph by media in the order of light novel, manga, and anime seeing as it is better to treat the reception that way. DragonZero (Talk · Contribs) 20:01, 1 August 2015 (UTC)[reply]

" Seven Seas Entertainment's localization of the manga was able to reach The New York Times Manga Best Sellers and ICv2's charts."

It wouldn't kill you to be specific about when and for how long. This doesn't specify the volume 1 - which is the debut and should be noted. "The American release debuted at X of Y for Z weeks on the New York Times...." Oricon would be the same. ChrisGualtieri (talk) 00:43, 31 July 2015 (UTC)[reply]

These numbers aren't interesting enough to be noted. DragonZero (Talk · Contribs) 20:01, 1 August 2015 (UTC)[reply]

"a poll by AT-X ranked the series as one of 2014's top anime series."

This is split from the poll from the magazine above, as mentioned before. Please be specific about singular poll results if you can. ChrisGualtieri (talk) 00:43, 31 July 2015 (UTC)[reply]

These numbers aren't interesting enough to be noted. If it was first or something, it would be worded with "the most" or "the top". DragonZero (Talk · Contribs) 20:01, 1 August 2015 (UTC)[reply]

"Anime News Network had four editors review the first episode of the anime"

Way too many run on sentences here. Then you split it with Carl Kimlinger actually doing a full review of the series and spare very little when the first episode was the "make it or break it" for this article. A little more detail would be nice here to balance the focus. ChrisGualtieri (talk) 00:43, 31 July 2015 (UTC)[reply]

It's a list shown by the colon and separated by semi-colon. I expect it to be run-on here since it's a rundown of all the main points. Aside from that, I don't know what the problem is here. Having one paragraph with first impressions, followed by reviewers with full impressions, shows an interesting contrast. DragonZero (Talk · Contribs) 20:01, 1 August 2015 (UTC)[reply]

"Kotaku's review was also positive;[67] the reviewer praised the protagonists' dynamic, echoed Kimlinger's sentiments about the games, liked the animation, but noted his dislike for fan service featuring Shiro."

Cite at the end, keep the paraphrasing, but don't make run-ons. Also use the reviewer's name. Kotaku is not an ideal - but I take less in my 100 year old film articles for similar reasons. ChrisGualtieri (talk) 00:43, 31 July 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Taken care of. DepressedPer (talk) 4:42, 31 July 2015 (UTC)

I usually use website names since they are more recognizable to readers. Aside from this, I can see why the author's name is preferred here since it's the same guy who created multiple articles for the reception. I plan on continuing this for my next project as well. DragonZero (Talk · Contribs) 20:01, 1 August 2015 (UTC)[reply]

A point not from the comment because of the omission - From Ani-tay: "[No Game No Life] also has a different sort of pandering in the form of references. Most episodes are full of clever nods to other anime and games, including Ace Attorney, JoJo's Bizarre Adventure, Sayonara Zetsubou Sensei, Evangelion, Hyouka, and many more." Get this in there - its chock full of these references. You don't need to list all of them or even half this list, but least note the existence. ChrisGualtieri (talk) 00:43, 31 July 2015 (UTC)[reply]

I realized that's what I may have meant with game humor, since that's the term Kotaku used if I remembered right, but I replaced game humor with references to other anime and video games anyways. DragonZero (Talk · Contribs) 20:01, 1 August 2015 (UTC)[reply]

" IGN echoed previous opinions, praising the character dynamics and also panning Shiro's fan service."

Echoing does nothing, but there is an issue here: "There are questions to be asked about just why there are so many crude and unnecessary upskirt shots, but other than that there's little not to like." is the actual line and its not specifically Shiro fanservice. ChrisGualtieri (talk)

Changed ending to "and also questioned the amount of unnecessary fanservice" DragonZero (Talk · Contribs) 20:01, 1 August 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Aside from this I think it will meet GAN, though I'd honestly like coverage of the anime to be better. Namely for the music and art direction. The Radio discs have been released and the data updated (plus the misprint and the error notations deserve maybe a mention at best). MF文庫J×響-HiBiKi Radio Station-一夜限りのトリプル公録祭り！ has also been released and it deserves a mention as special given that it is additional media. Ok? ChrisGualtieri (talk) 00:43, 31 July 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Added it in. DragonZero (Talk · Contribs) 20:01, 1 August 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Passed. ChrisGualtieri (talk) 04:23, 6 August 2015 (UTC)[reply]